


wide like the ocean

by unbalancedlove



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, background dotae, donghyuck is hopelessly in love and mark is oblivious, side luren, side nomin, wanna one cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-05-25 02:16:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14966969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbalancedlove/pseuds/unbalancedlove
Summary: for his eighteenth birthday, donghyuck receives handmade coupons from his best friend.make me laugh no matter what. apologize no matter what. do something on my behalf. do anything i ask for.he's dead set on making sure he makes every single one count before mark moves away, possibly forever.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> this is the slowburn high school au i've always wanted to write.
> 
> (mostly based on [this](https://twitter.com/demonjihoon/status/1002160965729832960) scene from my favorite drama) 
> 
> thank you so much jaiden for beta-ing this for me ilu ♡♡♡

summer nights are donghyuck’s favorite.

outside the heat has reached new heights this year, the sun rays burn his eyes and the sticky humidity makes him uncomfortable all over. but that wasn’t what june was about. 

it was this:

“open up loser!” mark is yelling outside his window. he’s wearing a hoodie over his pajamas and his disruption of their peaceful neighborhood earns him a glare from a passing middle aged woman.

“you know you could have just texted me, right?” donghyuck yells back.

mark opens his mouth but then quickly shuts it again. he has no explanation because he clearly hasn't thought of this at all on his two minute journey to donghyuck’s house.

they’ve been doing this since they were kids and screaming at each other through open windows was the only available form of communication. well, that and wrestling in the nearby playground.

“the door is unlocked,” donghyuck says softly. he’s been waiting for him. today is june fifth, eleven pm.

his best friend tiptoes into the room minutes later, finally realizing that he should be a little more discreet at this time of the night. before donghyuck could say anything, mark surprises him by enveloping him in a tight hug. he stumbles back a bit, smiling to himself. “why are you being so weird today dude?”

“i had to be first,” mark chokes out as donghyuck squeezes his windpipes. “it’s tradition.”

he’s been the first to wish him a happy birthday for five years running now, winning over both old (jeno) and new (renjun) competition. this year is a big one, too, and donghyuck is curious about his present, maybe mark actually put some thought into it this time around. he notices that mark is still wearing the matching bracelet he made him for his sixteenth birthday.

“that’s not it,” he says. “you’re being overly affectionate, like you’re compensating for something.”

the blood drains from mark’s face. oh no. “wha-” the sound of his phone’s alarm beeping interrupts him. “happy birthday donghyuck!” he exclaims, flailing his lanky arms in the air. donghyuck hopes that this wakes up his parents or doyoung so they could throw him out.

“what did you fucking do?” donghyuck answers, starting to get a little antsy.

“it’s getting late, i’ll just give you your present tomorrow at school haha.” it better not be another coupon book.

“hand it over. now.”

mark takes out a yellow envelope and reluctantly gives it to him. donghyuck glares at him before examining it carefully. 

MARK LEE’S FRIENDSHIP COUPONS

_ (non refundable, use carefully) _

he opens it, and sure enough, there are three sheets of paper inside, each containing eight handmade coupons. this is what his best friend got him. for his eighteenth birthday.

“you forgot!”

“i didn’t!” mark replies. he tries to snatch it, but is swatted away by donghyuck. “okay, maybe i forgot a little bit.”

donghyuck examines the glittery and colorful designs. he’s put a lot more effort this year. “it’s surprisingly polished, so renjun helped you make this.”

“i was just trying to create the best possible present for my best friend.” donghyuck raises his eyebrows. “best….last minute almost forgotten present.”

donghyuck starts reading them out loud. “make me laugh no matter what….apologize no matter what….do something on my behalf….do anything i ask for….” mark buries his face in his hands, trying to hide the faint pink in his cheeks. these were all pretty good, he has to admit. he can think of at least five uses for each one of those. but he still had to punish mark for forgetting. 

“so i could use these any time?” he asks, the cogs in his mind already turning.

“no expiry dates! anything that doesn’t get me killed is a-okay!” his best friend explains, a little more confident in his present.

“well then,” he carefully tears a pink _i get to kiss you no matter_ _what_ coupon out, holding it close to his chest so mark can’t see. donghyuck takes a step closer and slips it into the pocket of mark’s hoodie before leaving a big wet kiss on his cheek, gross smooching sounds and all. mark screams and shoves him back. 

“that was payback for thinking you could buy me with a single hug.” he waves the three remaining kiss coupons in his face. “you should think twice before crossing me again.”

“i made a huge mistake didn’t i,” mark whispers as he rubs his left cheek.

they both hear footsteps coming from across the hall. “now get out before either my parents or older brother kick your ass for barging into our household and screaming.”

mark shrugs. “actually, i think i’ll just spend the night.”

it’s june sixth, three minutes past twelve. donghyuck is eighteen, he has his entire life ahead of him and he’s equal parts scared and excited. he’s still confused about a lot of things, but he’s certain about the fact that mark looks a lot more handsome when his face is illuminated by the soft moonlight, that this is the most nervous and giddy that he’s ever been on his birthday, that he is definitely going to text jaemin about this even though he promised mark that he wouldn't, and that he’s completely head over heels in love with his best friend.

the upcoming year isn't going to be an easy one for donghyuck's heart.


	2. july

there are many things that donghyuck wanted to spend the last week of july doing, and being cooped up in the library to study for his finals with mark is not exactly one of them.

if you exclude him and mark, it’s almost dead silent in here. nothing but the sound of pages flipping and the occasional cough from their school library’s aging librarian. he feels like the shelves are trapping him in a prison of aging paper and dust, and his best friend’s voice, as much as he loves listening to it in any other context (especially his laugh, he has the best and cutest laugh), is putting him to sleep.

“and that’s how you get the answe- hey are you even listening to me?” mark stops his explanation and finally looks up from the scribbled mess he made on donghyuck’s notebook to see that his best friend is staring off into the window. yukhei just won another practice soccer game and he’s currently doing a victory lap around the field. he could be out there right now too. well, not actually playing but making fun of jeno for losing for the five hundredth time.

“do you know how yukhei is always at 120% all the time? it's because be gave up on studying a long time ago,” donghyuck says slowly, like he’s bestowing some ancient wisdom on mark.

“i can’t believe you, i spent so much time last night preparing this study guide for you and jaemin.” mark suddenly remembers something. “where the fuck is jaemin?”

and right on queue, jaemin, who said he had to pee twenty minutes ago, emerges next to where jeno is sitting on the field with a towel and a bottle of water.

“how much longer do you think it will take jeno to realize that he and jaemin are dating?” donghyuck asks as mark furiously takes out his phone to call him. the loud buzzing coming from jaemin’s backpack on the empty seat next to him earns him a glare from the librarian.

“you’re both hopeless, you're not allowed to come crying to me when you fail your calculus exam.” mark pushes the pencil and books away and pouts. it’s hard for donghyuck to take him seriously when he looks this cute when he’s mad at him, angry mark has to be in his list of top five favorite marks.

“i’m sorry but it's just so hard,” he answers, stretching out the syllables and tilting his head like a sad puppy.

he feels triumphant when mark’s expression softens a little. he’s so weak for this type of shit. “you really need to focus, though. the exam is next week,” he chastises him gently.

mark has always been the more studious of the two, laser focused on his goal of graduating with honors and studying abroad since the day of their high school entrance ceremony. donghyuck feels a little jealous that his best friend knows exactly what he wants to do, and he would never admit it out loud, but he admires him for being so hardworking all the time.

meanwhile, he hasn’t even decided on a university or major yet. he doesn’t even think about his future all that much, focusing instead on whatever makes him happy. and for now, that’s spending time with mark. he’s scared of how fast the days together are slipping away from him.

donghyuck checks his phone. “we’ve been here….two and a half hours already. that’s more than enough calculus for the day, mark.”

mark frowns. “we’ve been here for fifty three minutes, and jaemin was gone for most of them.”

_ and you’ve been a tense the whole time. _ he hates seeing mark like this, he doesn’t know what he’d do without donghyuck’s carefree spirit to balance him out. when he gets that crazy look in his eyes, donghyuck knows that it’s his responsibility to get him out. sure, maybe it’s also because he wants to get out of studying for today. but mark comes first, of course.

“same thing, i’m tired.” he stretches his arms while groaning loudly for full effect. “let’s grab the gang and get something to eat, i’ll pay for your share.”

“bu-” mark begins to protest, and donghyuck waves a pink coupon in his face. not wanting to make a scene, he reluctantly begins to pack his things. donghyuck smirks to himself.  _ works every time _ .

he’s grateful mark hasn’t caught on to the fact that donghyuck is rationing his coupons and he’s not planning on wasting them on small matters like this one.

 

a couple of hours later, they’re walking home together after parting with their friends, dragging donghyuck’s bike up the hill and into the narrow alleyways of their neighborhood. 

mark usually gets considerably more cheerful and chatty after donghyuck treats him to a meal, but he’s withdrawn today, and donghyuck spends the first ten minute of their walk wondering if he should say something or if he should just stay quiet before he complicates things.

but even the silence between them is awkward and unfamiliar. and the slightest bit of unfamiliarity with mark makes him feel weird. when in doubt, always make fun of their friends. “so renju-”

“if you hate my lessons that badly i can just stop, you know,” mark says so quietly that donghyuck almost misses half of the words that come out of his mouth. his heart sinks. “i have to focus on my own grades too.”

“that’s not- i didn’t drag you out of the library because i  _ hated _ it.” he wasn’t exactly having the time of his life, though.

“donghyuck, please.” mark stops walking. “you weren’t even paying attention the whole time.” 

the hardest part about being in love with your best friend is that you can’t explain any of your actions because it always boils down to  _ i did it because i’m in love with you and i was just trying to put a smile on your face _ . the hardest part about being in love with this nerd in particular is that this is the only way he could spend time with him at school. 

it’s crazy how he’s missing him even while he’s still here, and as close as mark is to him now, donghyuck is filled with yearning. 

he knows that this conversation was coming sooner or later, though. so he just sighs. “you know we don’t really have the same priorities, spending all this time obsessing over grades just isn’t who i am.”

mark looks offended. a slight upgrade from the sadness that was sweeping over him earlier. “wha-”

“but you are, and that’s fine,” donghyuck concludes, smiling. mark nods quietly.

“wait, so you don’t want me to help you study anymore?”

donghyuck looks apologetic. he doesn’t want to say it, and frankly this isn’t what he wanted in the end. “i’m going to be fine, you should stop worrying about me so much, nerd,” he says instead, carefully tacking on the insult at the end to make things less awkward.

mark throws an arm around his shoulder and snorts. “who would worry about you? if anything i’m most worried about myself for spending so much time with a bad influence.”

“yeah, sucking at math, i’m such a rebel.”

 

mark and donghyuck’s summer nights are for sleepovers and hushed ghost stories and conversations through open windows. they’re also for longing.

sometimes, when donghyuck can’t sleep, he sits by his desk and watches until the light emanating from mark’s window across the road finally goes out. he imagines mark in his favorite oversized star wars t-shirt and round reading glasses that he liked to make fun of so much, cheek resting on his hand, eyes glazed, chewing on the tip of his pencil as he goes over the literature textbook for the millionth time. he composes a hundred love letters to him in his mind and sends them to the moon. and on most of those nights he feels like his heart is going to burst, pouring out all the contents that he’d bottled up all these years.

maybe one day he’ll let mark in on how much he secretly loves all his little quirks, how he’s obsessed with these glasses, how he sometimes wants to steal his attention away from his books for once and kiss him senseless. how much he really, really, can’t imagine living without him anymore. how he doesn’t know if he’ll be fully content just being friends.

but until then, the light through the window will have to do, and knowing mark is just a heartbeat away is enough. 

 

“well mar-”

“oh my god, we get it, you miss mark,” jeno cries out in frustration, startling everyone in their group except jaemin, who simply nods along in agreement. it’s another sunny day today, perfect for a couple of hours of idly watching yukhei kick jeno’s ass for the five hundredth and first time. they sit in a circle around the neatly organized boxes of snacks and refreshments that jaemin had prepared.

donghyuck’s face heats up. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

jaemin rolls his eyes from where he’s lying on jeno’s lap. “really? we were discussing sharks, how is mark relevant to this discussion?”

“he likes seafood, “ he grumbles back, shoving a watermelon slice into his mouth.

“now that you mention it, he does do that a lot,” yukhei exclaims. “anything we talk about, the topic circles back to mark somehow.”

donghyuck points at them accusingly. “you all do that, we just all really love mark.”

renjun shakes his head. “nah, that’s just you.”

he looks at his friends. they all have various degrees of either concerned (jeno) or amused (yukhei) expressions on their faces. “i fell for the wrong idiot didn’t i.”

“i’m right here, and you went with him anyway,” yukhei agrees, gesturing at his entire body. 

“i’d rather marry our future president than the face of sm cosmetics or whatever it is that you’re going to do in fifteen years,” donghyuck replies dismissively. the  _ real _ reason yukhei gave up on studying is because he signed with a modelling agency last year, and he’s been getting a steady flow of gigs ever since.

“presidents aren’t sexy,” jaemin points out at the same time that renjun scoffs “you think mark is going to be president?”

“mark is going to be the first then, and yes of course, renjun,” donghyuck says confidently. “besides, if i marry a president i’ll be rich as hell and i won’t have to work a day in my life.” and this was only step fifteen of his thirty step plan that he created for his future life with mark.

“i think you need to confess to the president before talking marriage plans,” renjun bites back. now to this, donghyuck didn’t have a witty answer. so he just sat there fuming.

“wait!” jeno yells again. “donghyuck tricked us into talking about mark again.”

“i didn’t  _ trick _ you, you guys just love him that much.”

“again, just you. just go bother him at the library instead of forcing us to listen to your president mark fantasies.”

“not after i made a huge deal about how i don’t need him to help me study,” donghyuck says. 

that really blew up in his face. mark is just going to think that he’s being nice to him if he went right now. he wonders if he’s bored without donghyuck there bothering him, he also wonders if it makes any difference to him at all. he hopes he’s not the only one missing him to death right now.

“i really miss watching his stupid cute concentrated face,” he continues sighing. “and when he runs into something he can’t understand and he just...pouts? god i just want t-”

“lee donghyuck,” renjun cuts him off solemnly while raising his hand. he’s on his last nerve. “starting now, you owe me five thousand won every time you bring up mark unprompted.”

  
  


“hey hyuck?” his older brother knocks on his door a few nights later.

donghyuck sprints from his bed and only opens the door wide enough for him to stick his head out. “what do you fucking want?”

“if you’re going to be like this i’ll just go tell mom and dad,” doyoung says with a shrug and turns around, but donghyuck grabs him and drags him into his room. 

doyoung crosses his arms and puts on his serious big brother face. this can’t be good. “the school called earlier, and thankfully i was the only person at home to answer the phone.”

donghyuck is filled with panic. three hundred different possibilities flash through his mind. “did they find out about park jihoon?”

“who the fuck is park jihoon?” doyoung shakes his head. “whatever, that doesn’t matter. your homeroom teacher says that you’re on the verge of failing calculus, and it might set you back a year.” 

it’s almost funny, how donghyuck never considered the probability of having to repeat high school. he somehow just cruised by all this time without any problems. maybe being mark’s seatmate for all these years tricked his teachers into thinking that he’s also good at studying. “what?” he asks his brother, smiling a little in case this is just a prank. doyoung’s stone face tells him that it isn’t.

“i’m not gonna tell on you, but you have to promise that you’ll drop everything and study for your finals next week.”

“i-i- didn’t even realize i was failing anything.” when was the last time he bothered looking at his exam grades?

“look, i really don’t care about what you do in your free time or what you’re planning to do later on, hyuck,” doyoung continues. “but you have to finish high school on time at the very least.”

he’s never seen his brother look so concerned about him before, and that only makes him panic more. he falls back on his desk chair, feeling a little dizzy. he and mark and everyone were all supposed to graduate together, and the thought of him falling behind and watching his friends sprint into their futures without him was unimaginable.

he couldn't let this happen.

“oh,” doyoung remembers something as he makes his exit. “stop having your boyfriend over late at night, or mom and dad will really kick you out.”

he only narrowly dodges the pillow that donghyuck throws in his direction.

 

it’s pure sweet irony, how donghyuck can’t ask for mark’s help during the one time he actually needs it.

_ i need to focus on my own grades too. _

trying to pass that exam won’t be an easy task, that’s hours of precious time that mark cannot spare him right now, and he feels bad for being so selfish and distracting him from achieving what he wants the most. his best friend’s happiness comes first, always.

the thought of asking the second best option, mark’s brother taeyong, crossed his mind. but taeyong refuses to step into their house because he’s allergic to doyoung or something. donghyuck doesn’t know what’s going on between them and he’s certain that he never wants to find out.

which is why he locks up anything that could distract him from studying in the closet and sits down on the floor with his textbooks and notebooks scattered around him. mark would have a heart attack if he walked in right now.

his heart races when mark’s handwriting greets him on the first page of his calculus book.  _ don’t fall asleep! _

the margins of every chapter are filled with their conversations, stupid little arguments, tic-tac-toe matches, and the occasional helpful note from mark. donghyuck grazes his fingers over their scribbles and smiles to himself. and it’s not just the book, mark also left some song lyrics on virtually every single notebook that he’s ever owned, and his pencil case is filled with neatly folded notes and borrowed stationary. he’s really everywhere no matter where donghyuck is, isn’t he?

rather than serving as a distraction, the memories lift his spirits, and he immediately gets to work. he doesn’t know how many hours have passed since he started until doyoung suddenly knocks on his door twice before stepping in. 

“what did i tell you about having mark ove-” his eyes widen in surprise when he sees his little brother surrounded by his humble pile of books. “oh my god.”

donghyuck yawns and stretches his arms. “what time is it?”

“it’s  _ three _ am, jesus donghyuck have you really been up studying this entire time?” donghyuck is a little offended by how shocked he is. he crawls over to his closet, unlocks it, and takes his phone out from the unholy pile of distractions. there are ten new messages from mark and fifty from their group chat, but he can look at those later. his lock screen clearly reads 3:25.

“woah,” he says, and his body feels sore from sitting around for hours. “i guess i got a little carried away.”

“you either go all in or nothing, huh?” doyoung says, shaking his head and smiling.

the next few nights go similarly, and donghyuck quickly establishes a routine. it’s a little hard at first, trying to get himself to sit down and start working is always the most challenging part of his day, but once he starts working on a problem, his attention completely shifts and the hours go by without him even realizing it. 

he soon abandons everything else in his life to focus on calculus. yukhei steps into their classroom after school a few days later and screams and runs out when he sees donghyuck actually studying.

there are muffled concerned voices on the other side of the door, most likely belonging to renjun, jeno, and jaemin, and donghyuck decides to ignores them.

“don’t come in! don’t come in!” yukhei screams, blocking the entrance. “you can’t see what i just saw, you’ll be scarred for life.”

“shut up, xuxi,” renjun pushes him aside and the three of them walk in. donghyuck doesn’t look up despite the terrified screams that ensue.

 

it’s the night before the exam, and donghyuck is walking home after a five hour long session at the library. he’s been at it for so long that he swears that he could see numbers swirling around in front of him. is this what mark sees all the time? what a sad existence. oh great, he can see an imaginary mark too now, sitting on the steps by the entrance of his house. 

phantom mark perks up and waves at him, and donghyuck blinks three times and shakes his head, but he’s still there. “welcome back!” wait, that might just be the real mark after all. 

“what are you doing here?” he looks around to make sure no one is following him, suddenly feeling paranoid.

“i’ve got some treats.” he takes out two popsicles from the black convenience store bag next to him. “for your hard work.”

“how did you know?” donghyuck asks as he flops down. he takes a few tentative licks from his popsicle. mark got him his favorite flavor, as expected. 

mark stares at him seriously. “i’ve got your phone tapped.” he bursts out laughing when he sees the horrified look on donghyuck’s face. he thinks about all the lovesick texts that he sends to their other friends on a daily basis. “doyoung hyung told me, obviously.”

they eat quietly, enjoying the summer night breeze. donghyuck’s exhaustion melts away, it feels good to share his stress with his best friend after sneaking around for an entire week. and thankfully, mark doesn’t seem upset or annoyed that he hid this from him. 

“you could have just told me, you know,” mark finally says. “i could have helped you, i should have been helping you. god, it’s tomorrow and i don’t even know if you have everything down. i can put together a mock exam and maybe you can do it now? do you wanna take one last look at my notes? i-”

“i’m going to be fine!” donghyuck shouts over him, breaking into a smile. this is exactly why he kept this from mark. “i worked my ass off. plus, it worked out okay for both of us. i can focus on studying, and you won’t get distracted by me all the time.”

“you’re so stupid,” mark answers. if he wasn’t annoyed before, he definitely is now. “stop acting like you’re just a-a-  _ distraction _ for me.” he spits his words back at him in disgust.

donghyuck angrily takes a bite of the top the popsicle and winces back in pain. “isn’t that what i basically am, though?” he suddenly realizes that he’s been waiting for mark to outgrow this friendship for some time now.

mark wraps his arms around his legs and rests his head on his ankles. “i don’t know what i’d do without you, donghyuck,” he replies softly. donghyuck’s heart stops beating. he almost wishes that mark wouldn’t say things like him, it only hurts knowing that they don’t carry any romantic connotations. 

he takes out something out of his pocket and shows it to donghyuck. “do you remember this?”

donghyuck gasps. oh my god, just when he thought that mark couldn’t get any more adorable. 

mark didn’t really have any friends before donghyuck moved into the neighborhood, and they only shyly observed each other from a careful distance until donghyuck enrolled in his school and ended up sitting up next to him in class. he didn’t know how to break the silence, so he opened his pencil case and handed mark the first thing his hand landed on.

the rest was history.

“i can’t believe you still have this stupid car shaped eraser after all this time,” donghyuck says, amazed. its bright red color had faded, and one of the wheels must have fallen off at some point, but he would still recognize it anywhere.

“it’s my lucky charm,” mark says, blushing. he’s looking away in that adorable way he always does when he’s about to say something embarrassing. “i keep it in my pocket during every exam, it helps keep my anxiety at bay.”

donghyuck is quiet for a long time. finally, he opens the front zipper of his backpack and takes out a green coupon and hands it over to mark.

_ let me borrow something for a day. _

he sees the hesitation in mark’s eyes, who squeezes the faded eraser once before handing him it to him without a single protest. 

“wuh-” donghyuck didn’t expect that he’d actually give it to him. “are you sure? i mean, you’re taking the exam too.”

mark is puzzled. “rules are rules, right? as long as it doesn’t get me killed, i’ll do it for you.”

and donghyuck wants to ask for so much more.

“i’ll take perfect care of it,” he says sincerely.

mark pats him on the back. “just make sure you don’t fail.”

 

donghyuck doesn’t believe in things like destiny and horoscopes and good luck charms, but on the morning of his calculus final, with the eraser tucked safely in the pocket of his school blazer, he feels calmer than he ever has before.

maybe other charms aren’t real, but he’s sure that the red racing car has some magical quality that was forged by the power of their friendship. it’s just like that one anime he saw once.

mark is waiting outside for him when he finishes, pacing around the hallway while biting his nails, a habit that donghyuck thought he put a stop to years ago. he runs over to him and hugs him, and mark’s arms wrap around him tightly as he sways back.

“how’d you do how’d you do,” mark says, bouncing excitedly after donghyuck steps back. he already knows the answer.

“what do you think! i’ve been a secret math genius all along!” donghyuck jumps along with him.

“and-” he slaps a kiss on mark’s left cheek. “it’s all thanks to-” and on his right cheek. “my best friend’s good luck charm!”

“hey! you owe me a coupon,” mark punches his shoulder and smacks his hands over his face protectively.

donghyuck kisses his nose. “i don’t need a piece of paper to tell me when to leave appreciative smooches on my best friend’s cute face.”

mark finally gives up and sighs. “i’ll let it slide this time, just because you did so well today.”

yukhei suddenly ambushes them from behind, wrapping his long arms around both of their shoulders. “who’s up for some ice cream?”

donghyuck turns around and sees all their friends, who had just stepped out of the classroom, waiting for the two of them and smiles brightly. “it’s my treat!” he announces, and they all cheer.

their last summer vacation together has finally begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading ♡♡♡ i'll try to have a chapter out every week.
> 
> you can find me on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/puppylove) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/demonyukhei).


	3. august

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for being a little bit late!
> 
> thank you rian for beta-ing ilu ♡♡♡
> 
> (p.s. the next installment in this series will probably be a nomin side story! but chapter three will be a little longer to compensate haha)

 

 

“no, nope, no fucking way,” mark makes a huge X with his arms and refuses to look at donghyuck.

donghyuck waves the red coupon in his face. “you said anything! as long as it doesn’t get you killed!” he reminds him.

they’re all gathered in mark’s room since it unofficially became the designated summer hang out for this year, the main reason being that he was the only person with enough controllers for them to play smash together. donghyuck likes this arrangement because of how convenient it is to him, but he’s disturbed by the amount of things he’s found around the house that he’s sure belong to his older brother.

“park jihoon is involved, there’s a big chance that i am going to wind up dead.” mark shivered.

“come on mark, please?” he puts on his best whiny voice. everyone cringes, but he’s got mark’s attention. “everybody else is on board, even renjun.”

“i’m coming to make sure you don’t die,” renjun clarifies. donghyuck knows he’s only going to be there because yukhei is. huang renjun would kill the rest of them with his bare hands if he could, he doesn’t care if they live or die.

“well, i’m actually very busy, i don’t have time for your stupid feuds.”

“it’s summer vacation, there is nothing for you to do except sit here and stare at my beautiful face,” donghyuck cups his face and winks at his best friend.

“your beautiful face will be unrecognizable after jihoon and his gang are done with you.” mark pinches his left cheek. he looks genuinely concerned about the state of his face, and donghyuck is flattered. 

“no one is going to die, we just need to prove to jihoon that i am not a little bitch.” donghyuck realizes that doesn’t sound much better, but he’s desperate to get him on board. 

mark turns to jaemin and jeno. “why are you two supporting this behavior?” 

“jaemin said he wanted to come, and we come in a package,” jeno says, taking jaemin’s hand in his.

donghyuck is taken aback. there is something different here. what happened since the last time he’s seen them? there’s a strange playful spark in jeno’s eyes that wasn’t there before. he’s finally….reciprocating?

“wait,” jaemin says, and donghyuck assumes that it’s because jeno is acting like his boyfriend for once. “i thought  _ you _ wanted to come, and that’s why i’m tagging along.”

“it was you!” 

“definitely you.” 

they go back and forth at least fifteen times before mark interrupts them. “does this really matter?”

“we’re all trapped in this terrible arrangement anyway,” renjun agrees grimly.

“we’ll just end this once and for all this time,” donghyuck says with a finality in his voice. he almost feels sorry for his friends, it’s not his fault that he’s the only person in their group who’s interesting enough to have an arch nemesis at school. 

he also hates how mark doesn’t understand how he and park jihoon are connected, because the day he met jihoon was also the same day he realized he was in love with his best friend.

 

_ april 2015 _

early spring mornings are for fresh starts and falling cherry blossom petals. they’re also for donghyuck to stand outside mark’s house for fifteen minutes as he waits for him to come down. and when he does, he looks a lot more fidgety than usual, with the darkness under his eyes making its annual appearance.

the first day of high school is no exception. 

“sorry,” his best friend runs his hand through his still wet hair when he arrives. “i could bare-”

“-ly sleep? had a weird nightmare? i knew it,” donghyuck finishes the sentence for him. mark always stresses himself into staying up all night before the first day of school. what was he so nervous about? donghyuck can never tell. “so what happened this time?”

mark launches into a vivid description of the dream he had in the two hours he did manage to sleep. “i was running late because i couldn’t find my glasses, and then i run downstairs and you weren’t there, and doyoung hyung says that you got tired of waiting for me and left,” that alone sounds like a traumatizing nightmare to donghyuck. “so i get to school, look for you, you’re not my deskmate, or even in my class apparently. i run around, looking all over, and find you outside the gym, and then guess what happens?”

“what! what?” he answers impatiently, completely engrossed in his tale.

mark huffs. “you joined a gang! you and the other guys were all wearing black and were also somehow taller than me. i went up to you to say hi, and you looked down on me (yes you really were that tall, shut up) and one of your friends asked if you knew me and you were like nah it’s just some loser i picked on in middle school, and just as i was on the verge of crying you pulled down my pants and kicked me to the ground, and then boom! the entire school was there and they were all laughing at me, but honestly? your voice was the loudest.”

donghyuck can’t contain his laughter. “i did all that while you were looking for your glasses?”

“i guess you’re just that social, i didn’t even question it,” mark replies, shaking his head. he looks slightly better after saying it all out loud.

jeno weighs in on the dream when he joins them at the school gate. “mark has been worrying that you’re going to make cool new friends and abandon him,” he analyzes carefully. he’s been very into dream analysis and other nonsense since jaemin started getting into astrology and dragged him along too.

donghyuck snorts at the prospect of that ever happening. he turns to mark, expecting him to have the same reaction, but his face is red, like he just got caught. “oh my god, you don’t think that’s ever going to happen do you?” almost ten years of friendship, why the hell would he ever suddenly change his mind now?

mark shrugs. “i don’t know, i guess i didn’t think about it that deeply, but now that jeno said it out loud.” he purses his lips, and donghyuck can almost hear the thoughts running through his mind at rapid speed.

he leaps in front of him. walking backwards into the hallway containing the first year classrooms, and looks into his eyes sternly. “i promise, no matter how much cooler i’m going to become, i’ll never leave my dorky best friend behind.”

a lot happens in the next five seconds: mark’s eyes widen, donghyuck assumes that it’s because he’s touched by what he just said, but then he points behind him and before donghyuck could turn around to see what he’s talking about, he finds himself crashing into a hard rock surface. he falls, bringing whoever was behind down with him. before he could process what just happened, the person he fell on slides from underneath him, and now he’s on the floor with four pairs of unfamiliar eyes staring at him. mark and jeno are nowhere to be found.

“do you,” one of the boys speaks up. he has soft features, big eyes, and fluffy brown hair. his appearance tricks donghyuck, who doesn’t anticipate the next words that are about to come out of his pretty mouth. “fucking mind? watch where you’re going, asshole.”

he’s speechless, and he searches for an explanation from the other boys surrounding him, one tall and pale, the second with bright red hair that donghyuck is pretty sure is against school rules, and the last one blond with very disapproving eyebrows. he’s scared of that one the most. is this the gang from mark’s dream? led by what seems to be a cross between a stuffed animal and a marvel supervillain?

“hey, it was just a fucking accident,” donghyuck spits back when he realizes that none of them are going to help him up. “can you turn it down a notch?”

the leader exchanges looks with his friends. “did he just swear at me?”

slenderman nods. “he totally did.”

“that’s what i heard,” scary eyebrows agree.

nothing makes sense. this isn’t mark’s dream, it’s his own nightmare. “you literally just yelled at me?”

“should we teach you a les-” the boy continues, ignoring him, before a hand grabs his shoulder and shoves him away.

it’s mark, and he has a fist raised in the direction of the boy’s adorable face. it’s the angriest that donghyuck has ever seen him, and he flinches.

“if you lay a single finger on him,” mark says, his voice shaking. that’s when donghyuck realizes that his hand is shaking too. “i’ll make sure you never step foot into this school again.”

“jihoon, let’s just go,” the red haired boy whispers to the leader. the aforementioned jihoon stands his ground, although he seems visibly shaken.

the first bell rings just then, and the four boys scurry off without saying another word, but not before jihoon throws one last nasty glare. then it’s just donghyuck and mark, leaning over him with a hand extended.

donghyuck is fifteen and doesn’t know a lot about falling in love, but in that moment he knows exactly what it feels like. his heart blooms, his vision narrows, and there is no one except mark. it’s like the blindfold that has been obstructing his view all this years finally drops. mark, his nerdy best friend who has stupid nightmares and slept over at his house throughout all of third grade because he thought there was a monster living under his bed. mark, gathering the courage to prepare to beat up four guys alone because he thought donghyuck was in danger. mark, looking lovely in his brand new yellow school uniform, more radiant than the sun, hovering over him with wobbly knees and this intense look that makes him weak. did he always look at him like that?

he takes mark’s hands, grips into them tight for safety, and goosebumps run through his entire body.

he’s never going to get used to this.

 

a single encounter defines the rest of donghyuck’s high school years. after getting publicly humiliated, park jihoon declares him his arch nemesis and vows to defeat him one day. all he can do in return at first is laugh. how the hell is he going to defeat him? is his life turning into the pages of a cliche shounen manga? he tries to ignore jihoon at first, mostly because mark shakes like a leaf every time he walks by, but that demon is absolutely relentless. the funny thing is that he himself is also scared of mark, and donghyuck assumes that this is why he never acted on his threats. 

and his feelings for mark? they never waned, only expanding further and further the more he came in terms with them, and he feels so overwhelmed all the time, like he’s about to burst at any moment. his friends find out in this order: jaemin (blackmailed into telling the truth), to jeno (jaemin can’t keep anything from him), to yukhei (noticed the inside jokes and didn’t want to be left out of the fun), to renjun (doesn’t give a shit).

“you could just confess, you know?” jeno suggests easily, and donghyuck scoffs and says he’ll do it soon. soon as in summer break, and then christmas eve, and then the first day of the year. he waits and waits, but that right moment just never comes. he’s never ready.

or it’s more like, donghyuck is right there, standing right at the finish line, and mark seems to be taking his sweet time to get there. he’s as oblivious as he is adorable, and it only makes donghyuck yearn for him more. he doesn’t know what he would do if mark actually showed any sign of romantic interest in him.

meanwhile, in the raging park versus lee war, jihoon finally reaches his limit. 

donghyuck finds it in his shoe locker on the last day of school. it’s a pink envelope sealed with a heart sticker that has his name on it, and he first assumes it’s a love letter from the girl from the neighboring class who stares at him every day at lunch. he sighs and braces himself before opening it just to find another letter in the chicken scratch that he now recognizes as park jihoon’s handwriting. oh. that girl probably just thinks he’s ugly.

_ lee donghyuck. let’s end this once and for all. meet me behind the gym on august fifteenth. _

_ don’t come alone. or do, if you take your life for granted. _

_ park “coolman300” jihoon _

once and for all? that sounds extremely tempting. getting a little bit of peace and quiet without fearing for his life for the few months he has left in this school might be worth going ahead and finally kicking jihoon’s ass. he’s not sure if he can do it alone though, so he goes to his wise friends for advice.

“your horoscope already predicted this but you didn’t listen to me, you dumbfuck,” jaemin says, genuinely upset that donghyuck doesn’t religiously read his astrology blog.

“i am literally begging you to leave me out of this,” renjun hands it back to him in disgust the second he recognizes jihoon’s handwriting.

“let’s kick some fucking ass!” yukhei yells, bumping his fist in the air.

correction, his absolutely useless friends.

it takes a little bit of lying to jeno and jaemin and simply informing renjun that yukhei is in to get everyone on board. before he knows it, the only person left to convince is the most vital one in his plan.

it’s a simple plan, really. he finally takes on jihoon’s challenge to fight him (he could make a scrapbook with all the threatening letters he’s received over the years) and when jihoon shows up and sees mark leading the pack instead of donghyuck, he takes off running. 

so donghyuck presents the red coupon to a very reluctant mark with both of his hands.

_ do something on my behalf. _

“you are so bad at so many things,” mark says. “and there are so many things that i could do better, and you choose to waste it on this?”

“park jihoon is scared of one person and one person only,” jaemin explains.

“mark lee,” yukhei finishes for him.

mark laughs so hard he almost falls off his bed and needs donghyuck to drag him back. donghyuck uses this opportunity to pull him into a tight back hug. he only struggles for a few seconds before relaxing into his best friend’s embrace, and donghyuck smiles into his shoulder.

“anyway,” he finally replies. “give me a more plausible explanation.”

renjun rolls his eyes. “you’re joking, right? have you seen the way that guy reacts every time he sees your stupid face?”

mark is still confused, so donghyuck whispers in his ear to refresh his memory. “remember what you did the first time you two met?” he’s very, very offended that mark doesn’t remember.

it takes a few seconds, but mark’s memory finally brings him up to speed. “ooohhhh….”

“yeah….” everyone else in the room says in unison. 

“that honestly explains….so much,” he whispers to himself, like he just solved the world’s greatest mystery. donghyuck holds him tighter. he really is in love with the most oblivious boy in existence.

it takes a little (okay,  _ a lot _ ) more convincing before mark realizes that, thanks to his own coupons, there is no way for him to reject their brilliant plan. everyone leaves around ten except for donghyuck, who liked to hang around for a little bit longer so they could spend some time alone together without yukhei’s screaming, and jaemin and jeno’s weird but obvious flirting. 

“i really hate you sometimes, you know? you continue to exploit my one weakness,” mark mumbles as he changes into his pajamas. he’s smiling.

“which is?” donghyuck flutters his eyelashes at him.

“that i’d do anything for you.”

it’s not that mark is weak, but donghyuck hadn’t considered that he  _ only _ swayed this easily for him. mark isn’t affected by fluttering lashes and high pitched voices and incessant whining, but he always falls apart when it’s donghyuck’s eyes, donghyuck’s voice, donghyuck’s whining. just him. 

a tiny, tiny flicker of hope ignites in his heart. 

donghyuck gulps. “say that again.” he’s surprised by how serious he sounds, and he hopes that mark doesn’t catch on.

mark laughs and shakes his head. “you definitely heard me the first time.” his cheeks are a very pretty pink.

“i can’t believe you’re actually going to do this,” donghyuck says, changing the subject, trying his hardest not to tell mark that the color of his blush is his favorite color and that also, oh, he would very much like to kiss him right now.

“do you want me to back out?” mark tries to get out of it one more time. 

“the coupons’ words are final,” donghyuck replies. “your rules, i’m just playing by them.”

 

“so the first thing we need to do is train you for battle, just in case,” donghyuck says as they step into the bus together. it’s just past noon on a particularly rainy saturday.

“wait,” mark follows him into the very back seat with a confused look on his face. “didn’t you guarantee that i wasn’t going to get hurt?”

“just. in. case, “ donghyuck spits back. he knows jihoon will shit his pants the second he sees mark but his little minions, particularly woojin who is in the same class with them this year and knows how big of a dork mark really is, might not be as scared of him.

mark flops down next to him and sighs. he already gave up on arguing a long time ago. “and how exactly am i going to train?”

“we, my friend, are going to the best of the best,” donghyuck answers with a mysterious smile on his face. he loves keeping mark on his toes. he looks out the window just as the bus starts pulling away from their neighborhood’s stop, and his eyes widen when he sees taeyong and doyoung appear from just around the corner and,  _ are they holding hands?  _ “wait, did you fucking see that?” he squeaks, tapping the cold glass.

“we’re not six anymore donghyuck, you can’t just point at random things to divert my attention.” mark replies, pouting. “so stop trying to change the subject and just tell me!”

he must be going crazy.

 

yukhei flings the door open so quickly that donghyuck thinks it’s going to bust out of the frame. mark has been shooting him death glares since he started to recognize the path to yukhei’s house. it looks like he didn’t like donghyuck’s choice for a personal trainer. but it’s not like he had a lot of options. yukhei is the cheapest one on the market, charging a modest fee of zero won per session.

“i have to admit, i’m a little offended that you guys just think of me as the muscle of our group,” yukei puts a hand to his chest and makes a pained expression. 

“donghyuck, donghyuck thinks that, i had no part in planning this whatsoever,” mark emphasizes for the hundredth time.

“you’re the most like, athletic one of us. that has to translate to some kind of fighting skill, right?” donghyuck explains his reasoning. he’s pretty unsure himself. 

“jeno’s gonna be so offended that you guys didn’t go to him,” renjun scoffs. he’s been lying on the floor reading a book since they arrived. 

“let’s just never tell him then.” donghyuck shrugs. “or jaemin! absolutely leave na jaemin out of this.”

“yukhei doesn’t even know how to fight?” mark’s panicked gaze slowly turns to the door. 

“i have been….in fights,” yukhei says vaguely. 

“fighting kahei doesn’t count,” renjun says. yukhei’s older sister had a terrifying side of her that the rest of them knew about but never personally witnessed.

“are you just here to make things harder for me?” donghyuck snaps at him, and renjun shrugs and goes back to his book. “anyway, he scares the children in the elementary school nearby, i think that’s enough.” 

“park jihoon isn’t an elementary school child, he is satan’s child,” mark replies.

after yukhei makes them (renjun included) do some stretching exercises, they huddle around his laptop as he types _how to fight_ into the youtube search bar.

“i really am going to fucking die,” mark gulps as he looks over his shoulder.

“stop being rude to our master,” donghyuck ribs him.

“youtube taught me everything i know,” yukhei replies confidently. well, that explains why he’s bad at everything besides soccer and being tall.

their master clicks the first video. it has eight million views and features two very hyper teenage boys.

“what’s up guys welcome back to our channel, i’m zhong,” the first boy exclaims, spreading his arms and almost hitting his partner. 

“and i’m park. today we’re going to show you how to fight like a pro,” the second boy says a little timidly. although to be fair, anyone would look timid next to that zhong kid.

“okay! everyone grab a partner,” yukhei instructs, clasping his big hands together. renjun immediately inches closer to him, and mark and donghyuck shrug at each other.

it turns out that fighting positions are more intimate than donghyuck had anticipated. fifteen minutes into the video, and he’s cradling mark’s head for some reason that park hasn’t explained yet. mark’s eyes are closed and he’s muttering prayers unders his breath. “i swear i’m not going to kill you.”

“why are you the one in the assault position? aren’t i the one who needs training?”

“we have to be as thorough as possible, right yukhei?” plus, it wasn’t like there was anything else for them to do when it was still pouring outside.

“uughm, uh-huh.” yukhei can barely speak when renjun is pulling his hair. renjun isn’t only executing each move perfectly, but he also sprinkles in a few improvised details like this one. donghyuck is beginning to feel scared of his tiny friend. if this is how he treats the boy he seems to be harboring a crush on, he wouldn’t hesitate to annihilate him and mark. 

“and now,” park’s voice continues. “push your target into the ground like i’m about to show you.”

donghyuck tries to follow the instructions, he really does, but when he sees mark helplessly falling back, he instinctively grabs his waist and pulls him back. he only realized how close they are when he feels mark’s warm breath on his face. “t-thanks?” he says, confused, but donghyuck doesn’t let go, he really doesn’t want to. mark doesn’t move either, only leans back into him and places his clenched fists on his chest for balance.

they both jolt apart when they hear a loud thud that shakes the ground under them. it’s yukhei’s body slamming into the floor.

donghyuck looks at renjun in terror. “okay, you’re just weirdly good at this.”

“you don’t know my life, you don’t know what i do in my free time,” renjun replies, barely breaking a sweat.

they only stop when they all succeed at executing the five moves demonstrated in the video. and only then do they realize that it was made by two kids who run a music covers channel and likely have zero experience in martial arts. 

nevertheless, the four of them meet up again for four more sessions in the week leading up to august fifteenth, and by then donghyuck fully understands that the person who will defend them if things go south is none other than renjun himself.

 

“okay, are we all ready?” donghyuck asks when they meet in front of the deserted school gate.

jaemin and jeno are barely paying attention to him, yukhei yells and high fives him, renjun makes him promise that this won’t take more than an hour since they’re already wasting his precious time, and mark has reached the level of anxiety where he can’t get words to come out of his mouth.

“hey,” donghyuck grabs his arm. “it’s going to be okay, i’m still here for you.”

“gross,” jaemin whispers, and jeno giggles. 

donghyuck turns to him with a glare.“make yourself useful. what’s the current situation?”

“well, considering that mercury is currently in retrograde-” 

“na jaemin i specifically asked you to look out and see if anyone is on the school grounds.”

“you never listen to me why should i listen to you!”

renjun shushes them both. “if you don’t stop bickering and go inside i am going to walk away and let you all die here.”

donghyuck trails behind while they all go to face their potential demise. he decides to watch the ensuing battle from the sports supply room. 

his friends walk into the meeting spot, led by mark. jihoon and his pack are already there, and donghyuck smiles in satisfaction at the way his obnoxious smug expression is instantly wiped from his face when he sees mark. 

he takes a defensive stance and takes two steps back. renjun cracks his knuckles and twists his neck for extra effect, clearly enjoying the terror they’re setting on their opponents. 

right as they’ve established their dominance, mark trips on a pebble and falls straight on his face. the tallest of the jihoon gang, guanlin, runs over to him and helps him up. now mark is clutching his face and wincing while yukhei intimidates guanlin into stepping back. 

donghyuck strains to hear what’s going on, but he still doesn’t understand why woojin  is taking out a small speaker from his bag, and why their group is getting into a triangle formation.

before they could do whatever advanced fighting technique they have under their sleeve, donghyuck slides the window open and sticks half of his body out. “what the fuck are you guys doing?” 

“donghyuck, you’ve got to come see this.” jeno runs over, takes his hand, and helps him jump down safely. 

“there is something you need to know about jihoon’s er….gang,” jeno whispers to him as they walk over to the rest. 

“donghyuck,” jihoon starts slowly, like he’s talking to a five year old, but donghyuck can barely pay attention because mark’s soft adorable face is bleeding. that pebble will pay for this. “what did you think i was asking you to do all these years?”

he balls up his fists and throws a couple of air punches. “uh, fight?” what else could it be?

“i can’t believe you don’t know. we are,” he counts one, two three under his breath and the boys behind him get into position, all hitting their chest twice and then pointing their index finger in sync. “namba one!” 

“your arch nemesis is the leader of a bunch of dorks cosplaying as idols,” renjun says behind him. “do you still want me to beat them up?”

“we’re the most famous dance crew at school,” jihoon corrects him, and daehwi (the angry eyebrows) mutters  _ the only dance crew _ under his breath.

“so let me get this straight,” donghyuck manages to tear his attention away from mark long enough to maintain a conversation. “y-y-you wanted me to come here for a-”

“dance off, dumbass! do i look like someone who resolves things with violence?” he turns to his friends. “wait, don’t answer that.” 

“you insult the crew, you pay with your moves,” guanlin says. “that’s the first rule of namba one.”

“how was i supposed to know that? also, i’m not going to fucking dance.” all that valuable time he wasted training, his fantasies of coming in to protect mark from the evil gang he had nightmares about, it all evaporated. 

“see, none of this would have happened if you idiots read my blog!” jaemin suddenly joins in. “check it out at www dot nanastrology dot-”

“can we settle this any other way?” donghyuck cuts him off.

namba one make a circle and whisper furiously to each other before they finally make a decision. 

“we have decided to forgive lee donghyuck for his grave mistake,” woojin announces. “and on top of that, we would also like to offer a valuable gift to signify the beginning of an era of peace.”

“and what’s that?” renjun says impatiently, clearly annoyed that he didn’t get to beat anyone up.

“our friendship.”

 

donghyuck gently places a winnie the pooh band-aid on mark’s left cheek and then seals it with a kiss. “the magic healing power of my kisses will fix your face up in no time!”

they’re sitting alone in the nurse’s office (which was somehow left unlocked) and the sun outside is almost setting. they need to be out soon before the main gate closes and they’re locked inside.

mark doesn’t protest this time, only giggles affectionately, and donghyuck thinks about how he gives him a hundred new reasons to fall in love with him every day. if it weren’t for that moment three years ago, it would be this exact one, or that time at yukhei’s house, or when he gave him the race car, or literally any time he smiled so hard that his nose scrunched up, or the very specific way that he says  _ donghyuck _ .

this was always meant to be.

“were you really going to dance?” he suddenly asks.

mark thinks for a long time. “you remember what i said before, right?”

“that you’d do anything for me,” donghyuck blushes, stumbling on every word. he felt so happy at that moment that he had almost convinced himself that it was a dream. 

he nods. “so honestly? i probably would have embarrassed myself in front of the scariest person in our school,” he frowns. “well, maybe not anymore.”

donghyuck makes sure the drawers he went through are all in the right order before they leave. they gather their things and just as donghyuck is about to step out, mark slips his hand into his. goosebumps all over.

“donghyuck, i need to ask you for a favor.”


	4. september

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes im still writing this fic lmao

mark lee cares about three things and three things only: his grades, his family, and lee donghyuck.

this week he has to deal with all three of these things at once.

“are you sure about this?” donghyuck asks for the millionth time as he helps him fold the pile of clothes that he snatched out of the closet when mark asked him to help him coordinate his outfits. 

“my grandparents are really….difficult,” mark swallows. donghyuck is used to his difficult parents, but his grandparents are a whole other beast that he hasn’t had the pleasure of encountering yet. “you don’t even have to do anything, just act like we always do.”

donghyuck contemplates this for a second, and then smiles in that way that makes the hair on mark’s back stand up. he braces himself before donghyuck drops the shirt he was folding and grabs his arm. “like what exactly?”

mark rolls his eyes. “like when you stick to me like a magnet?” people at school have misunderstood the nature of their relationship so many times that he doesn’t bother correcting them anymore. and for once, this was the exact reaction he was seeking. 

“you made the right choice then,” donghyuck nuzzles his face into mark’s neck. “i am the world mark smooching champion.”

he’s not sure of what to make of his best friend’s constant invasion of his personal space, but he does know that it makes him feel mushy and that he likes it. a lot.

because donghyuck has maintained such a huge and comforting presence in his life that he doesn’t know how to function without it anymore. he imagines that it would be like pulling the curtains when you wake up in the morning and having to close your eyes until they adjust to the blinding sunlight, but like whatever is the opposite of that.

and when he puts it that way, he realizes that he needs donghyuck to be with him on his annual visit to his grandparents’ house for a lot more reasons than introducing him as his (fake) boyfriend.

 

\-------

“you know how i have to spend a week at seoul every year?” mark starts after donghyuck readily announces that he’s up to any favor that mark has for him. “well my grandparents and parents have been….on not very good terms lately.”

donghyuck is confused about two things, first at the fact that mark is sharing his family’s conflicts for the first time, and second about how he comes into this. “huh. why though?”

it’s not that his best friend was secretive, but mark’s parents have always been a bit of an enigma. always working late and calling mark while he’s out with his friends to say something that immediately turns his expression sour. they’re the source behind the immense amount of pressure that mark has put on himself to not just succeed, but become the very top at everything he does. uptight would be mild way to describe them, and mark never, ever, brought them up if he could help it.

mark’s dart quickly to the window, as if someone relevant to this conversation would just be casually walking around the school grounds. “my grandparents think i work way too hard, and they blame my parents for it. they’ve been going back and forth about this for months now.”

donghyuck scoffs. “your grandparents and i have one thing in common then.”

“very funny,” mark replies, despite the fact that donghyuck wasn’t joking. “anyway, i want to bring you along so they could like….see that i actually have a social life? that i’m actually living a fulfilling life and aren’t just getting bossed around by my parents?”

donghyuck has mixed feelings about this, mainly because he does agree that the pressure and control exercised by his parents does affect him negatively, and frankly, he knows mark knows that too, just very deep inside.

“sure, i’ll be there as your cool and supportive best friend,” he grins brightly at him.

“not as my best friend,” mark says slowly. “but as my boyfriend.”

mark never asks donghyuck for favors, but when he does, he chooses to ask for the worst possible thing from his lovesick best friend.

donghyuck spends the next few days completely freaking out over this upcoming vacation. what is he going to wear? does it matter? is he and mark going to kiss? is his first kiss really going to be in front of mark lee’s fucking grandparents? 

“this is your chance to pounce,” jaemin says, turning his fingers into claws. “get that boy!”

“there will be no pouncing in the lee family household,” donghyuck replies. he thought this through already, and it just doesn’t seem right. if he makes an actual advance and gets rejected, the rest of the trip is going to be absolutely awkward, especially since they won’t be able to avoid each other.

so no, not yet. not anytime soon. he’s still not ready.

for now, he’s just going to shove his feelings deep into the farthest corner of his heart and lock them up tight. the main focus will be on making sure he’s there for mark and for them to have fun together.

\-------

 

“so, i think wearing flannel over a plain shirt will look great on you,” donghyuck says, stacking the aforementioned items on top of each other. “just remember to tuck them into your jeans. you  _ always _ tuck, mark.”

mark nods and adds them to his suitcase. he waits for further instructions, but donghyuck is staring down at one of his old t-shirts, deep in thought.

“don’t you think we should practice, though?” he asks in a low voice.

mark gulps. he’s been thinking about it too. what if his family sees through their act? they’ve done virtually everything besides kissing now. that was the only barrier left, and it’s one that they might have to break for authenticity’s sake.

and there is no room for misunderstandings, is there? they’re best friends after all.

“what do you wanna do?” it’s his way of saying yes, and donghyuck understands it to be.

“well, not anything too raunchy, right? we are going to see your family after all.” donghyuck inches closer to him and places a hand on his thigh. it’s different from what he usually does, there is an extra level of intimacy that can’t be explained away as platonic. he’s really good at this.

mark nods and places his hand over donghyuck’s. they stare at each other for a minute before breaking into awkward laughter.

“so like, what? you’re going to put your hand on my thigh every time i say something to let everyone in the room that you own me or something?” 

“why not! i’ve seen taeyong and doyoung stuff like this sometimes.” 

things have been a little weird since the two of them finally cornered their brothers and asked them if they were actually dating. mark didn’t believe (or want to believe) donghyuck when he first told him, and he was sure that they were going to get laughed at. but taeyong just blushed and covered his face, and doyoung flicked donghyuck’s forehead and said, “mind your own business, brat.”

donghyuck’s expression suddenly sours. “wait, my brother isn’t coming with us, is he?”

mark shrugs. “not as far as i know. my parents completely stopped caring about what taeyong hyung does after he announced that he was going to major in dance, and at a local university, no less..” _ and all their expectations was passed on to me instead _ , he thinks. 

donghyuck nods thoughtfully, then he snakes his hand back onto mark’s thigh, sending shivers down his spine.

“woah, you did it so naturally this time,” he exclaims. this is turning out to be a lot easier than he expected, and he doesn’t know what to make of that. 

a smug grin spreads across donghyuck’s mouth. “see, what did i tell you? world champion.”

he brings his face closer, and mark’s heart abruptly stops beating. is this it? is he going to do it? he closes his eyes in anticipation, but then feels a warm a breath against his ear.

“i could whisper things in your ear every now and then, make it seem like we’re sharing important secrets,” donghyuck says. mark is about to whisper back something extremely unintelligent when taeyong bursts into his room.

“mark, have you seen my- alright let me come back later,” he trails off and slams the door shut.

“we have fooled our first victim,” donghyuck says, fist bumping the air. 

mark laughs. he’s just glad his best friend doesn’t seem as nervous about this as he did earlier.

 

they’ve been on trips together before, most of them with their school, and a few with their group of friends. but weekends at the beach with jeno and jaemin did not prepare him for the long and awkward train ride with mark’s parents.

they were initially opposed to the idea of mark bringing ‘that boy’ with them when it’s supposed to be a strictly family only event, but mark gathered enough courage to tell them that it’s either him and donghyuck, or no one at all.

the silent pat he got on the back from taeyong afterwards made him feel like he was on the right track.

his mother in particular isn’t very fond of donghyuck, she never explicitly forbade mark from hanging out with him, but she also never missed the opportunity to make snide remarks about how mark could be spending his time doing something better whenever he announced that he was going over to his house. eventually, he just stopped talking about his best friend altogether. 

and seeing as donghyuck occupied such a large presence in his life, the amount of conversations he had with his parents gradually dwindled over the years.

“so, donghyuck,” his mother speaks up after a long hour of silence, which the two of them mostly spent on their phones texting each other. “which schools are you applying to?”

taeyong rolls his eyes, his father is looking at donghyuck intently, mark finally begins to regret bringing his best friend along on this trip.

if donghyuck is taken aback by the question, he doesn’t show it. he simply shrugs. “taeyong hyung’s university sounds okay i guess, maybe a few places in seoul too. i haven’t really thought about it that much.”

mark takes a little bit of joy in the way his parents’ faces fall in perfect sync.

“or i could move to canada with mark too, haha,” donghyuck continues, and then furrows his eyebrows. “i don’t speak a lick of english though.”

“you haven’t….how….” his dad is speechless.  _ even taeyong has been planning to crush our dreams since middle school _ , he’s probably thinking.

“i don’t really stress myself over stuff like that, and it worked pretty well for me for the past eighteen years, ” he replies cheerfully. sure, it might be a reckless way to live, but mark always admired that about him. living in the moment, free of the prison of anxieties and fears that he’s built for himself sounds like an impossible dream. “and when it doesn’t work out, i have mark to clean up my messes!”

it almost sounds like he’s going out of his way to say the opposite of what mark’s parents want to hear.

“that was a joke,” mark mutters, trying to kill the tension. he receives two forced polite smiles in return.

despite what others might think, mark really believes that donghyuck will be fine no matter what he chooses to do because, well, he’s donghyuck. he’s just so easy to like, who wouldn’t be completely enamored by him?

 

definitely not mark’s grandmother, who pulls donghyuck into a tight hug the moment they arrive.

“lee donghyuck! i’ve heard so much about you!” she exclaims, squeezing him tight.

“the one and only, in the flesh” donghyuck replies cheekily, winking at mark.

his grandparents’ house is is one of his favorite places in the world. it felt welcoming and warm in a way that his actual house never did. he loved how everything was always exactly the same way he left it, like the big clock in the living room, the distinct smell of his grandmother’s cooking, and the pastel blue walls of his bedroom. he and taeyong used to spend entire summers eating ice cream and playing in their backyard.

but that was all before donghyuck gave him a reason to stay home.

donghyuck quickly became his constant source of comfort after they became friends. ever since he was born, mark was raised to believe that his main priority should be his future and ambition above all else, that he shouldn’t look out for anyone but himself. but then that boy with the car shaped eraser taught him to look up and see the people around him, understand that sometimes it’s okay to make someone else a priority.

“come on in!” his grandmother leads them in, her arms still gripped around donghyuck’s shoulders, who looks equally confused and elated at the sudden affection. he’s an expert at handing out kisses to anyone in his vicinity, but he doesn’t know how to function when someone attempts to do the exact same thing to him.

“you kids must be tired, unpack and get some rest first,” his grandfather says, gesturing at the luggage they left by the door.

mark is excited to show him around, it’s one of the few parts of his life that donghyuck has never ventured into. “come on,” he takes donghyuck’s hand, who looks even more confused before remembering what they’re supposed to be doing. “i’ll show you to my room.”

as they run up the stairs, mark hears his mother start an argument with her parents about letting him share a room with his boyfriend. mark rolls his eyes, they’ve been in the house for three whole minutes and she’s already starting shit.

his grandparents already set an extra pillow and blanket on the floor for one of them to sleep on, they probably weren’t worried because mark’s childhood is so small is can barely fit one teenage boy.

“woah,” donghyuck says, inspecting the room. he picks up one of the dusty books on the well stocked bookshelf and flips through it. “you’ve been a nerd since you were a baby. a nerd baby.”

“grandma used to read them to me every night,” mark explains. “but then i got impatient and asked taeyong to teach me how to read so i could finish them all myself. so then she bought english books, and i picked that up just as quickly.”

he’s embarrassed about that story, btu donghyuck smiles at him fondly. “of course you did, that’s such a mark thing to do.”

donghyuck looks at him like that sometimes, like he’s the most precious thing that he has ever laid his eyes on. he doesn’t know how it makes him feel, or how to even respond to it, so he clears his throat. “i’ll sleep on the floor, you take the be-”

“no! i’m not gonna let you do tha-”

“because you’re shorter than me,” mark finishes, trying to stifle a laugh. now donghyuck looks at him like he’s going to choke him. much better.

“i’ll fucking kill you!”

 

by the time they finish unpacking, it’s already time for dinner, and mark is astonished by how easily donghyuck makes himself at home in a place he’s been in for a mere hour.

“and so i said to mark, there is no way he’s going to beat you up, that guy is terrified of you!”

everyone at the table bursts into laughter except for mark’s parents, who have a very difficult time trying to hide their disdain.

“it’s a pity that you never battled them, though,” his grandfather says. “maybe you should take up dancing, like your brother.”

mark scoffs and waves his hands in vehement disagreement. “no way, i would have probably flopped around like a dying fish and got laughed out of school.”

donghyuck squeezes mark’s thigh under the table. just like they practiced. “i’m sure mark could do anything if he really put his mind to it.”

that part isn’t an act, he’s said that to him so many times before. mark wishes he had as much belief in himself as donghyuck did for him. 

“you’re absolutely right,” his father agrees with donghyuck for the first and probably the last time in his life. “he’s a hard worker, and his dedication is going into something worthwhile.”

his words are sharply pointed, and taeyong shifts uncomfortably at his seat, trying to stop himself from fighting back.

“anyway, jihoon and his friends turned out to be actually really fun to be around.” donghyuck drags the conversation back to a lighter mood. “it sucks that we only found out right before graduation.”

mark studies the reactions of his grandparents. every year, their first dinner together is an unpleasant tense hour where everyone politely implies that they want to murder each other. they’re both absolutely enamored by donghyuck and the bright warm energy he brought into their home.

his grandmother hugs donghyuck again before they go to bed. “thank you for keeping mark out of the library,” she says.

 

“wow, sharing a room with you. how exciting, i don't know how im going to sleep tonight.”

mark rolls his eyes. “hilarious, i don't think my mom will be so cool with me staying over anymore now that we’re apparently dating.”

donghyuck doesn't hesitate for a second. “just break up with me when we get home.”

“sleeping at my ex’s house is even weirder!”

donghyuck isn't listening, he’s already devising thirty different backup plans in his head. “i won't let that happen.”

he says it with so much conviction, like it’s a matter of life and death that mark can’t help but burst into laughter. “i’m counting on you then, i don’t think i’ll be able to live without your snoring.”

donghyuck smiles and nods. “you’re hopeless without me.”

“and donghyuck….”

“hm?”

“thank you, for everything.”

who else would readily pretend to date him for a week? who would come all the way here on vacation and put up with his uptight parents? mark is so lucky, he doesn't know what he did in his previous life to deserve lee donghyuck as a best friend.

he’s looking at the floor when he says it, and he expects donghyuck to make fun of him for getting sappy out of nowhere, but to his surprise, he pulls him into a tight hug instead. “dork, you never have to thank me. i’m here because i want to be.”

“i know that but i just….i’m really happy that you came.”

donghyuck falls asleep first, but only after almost wrestling mark until he agreed to let him sleep on the floor.

mark stays up and thinks.

he gathers bravery from the darkness. he tell himself that when the lights are off, nothing is real (except the comforting sound of donghyuck’s snoring) and he can say and do and think whatever he wants.

so he thinks about how there is a very obvious explanation for that warm and mushy feeling he gets when donghyuck hugs him or kisses his cheeks or squeezes his thigh, about how he’s been pushing something down and refusing to admit it for no longer than he can remember. it’s like he’s been standing at a bridge and refusing to move an inch.

it’s a scary path.

 

the next morning, the two of them wake up at noon and set out to explore the city. donghyuck had asked mark to show him around his favorite places prior to the trip, but mark rarely bothers to leave the house when he comes over to visit, so it’s just them, the seoul public transportation system, and a map app open at all times.

they do get lost despite that, and with no money for a cab and both of them forgetting his grandparents’ exact address, they end up getting back home two hours after mark told his parents they would.

“you’re late,” is all that his mother says when they walk in.

“god, its barely nine. are you always like this?” his grandfather turns to mark. “does she always talk to you like this?”

“n-no-” mark is flustered, he wants to turn back and run away from this house forever. it’s like the tension that had been brewing since yesterday had finally reached its peak.

“he’s in a strange city all on his own,” his father interjects. “we usually  _ do _ let him do whatever he wants. too often, if anything.”

he glares at donghyuck, and mark’s blood starts to boil.

“the boy is constantly stressed out from school! it’s all he thinks and talks about when he’s here,  _ on break _ . i can’t even imagine how he is the rest of the year.”

they’ve never said this before springing it up on him and his parents. mark doesn’t feel like he’s being protected, he’s just confused and anxious and and—  _ angry _ that he’s being forced to witness this conversation. all he does want right now is a quiet and relaxing vacation with his best friend and his family, but nobody seems to consider his feelings long enough to stop and get along with each other for five fucking seconds.

“mark has to work harder than the rest of his peers if he wants to go to school abroad,” his mother explains flatly. he’s heard this so many times he probably mumbles it in his sleep. “he knows this, everything that we- he’s done in the past three years has been in preparation of it.”

his grandmother shakes her head. “oh, he does know it, what with you drilling it into his head since he was born. did you even ask him once if that’s what he wants to do?”

“mom, i never forced my children into anything. if i did, taeyong wouldn’t be wasting his life away right now, would he?” she scoffs. “we’re just steering mark in the right path.”

mark balls his fists. sure, they were never explicitly forced to do anything, it’s not like his parents ever locked him in a room with a pile of textbooks and told him that they’ll kick him out if he doesn’t become the top of his class.

what they did do is talk about how any path other the proclaimed ‘right one’ will undoubtedly lead the two of them to failure and misery since mark could form words. mark blindly followed and never questioned anything he was told at the beginning….and then taeyong graduated.

he remembers how much taeyong cried when he was told that he was never going to amount to anything for choosing to chase his dreams, how mark felt torn and guilty because there was nothing he could say to comfort his brother, how he vowed to never end up in that same position. not because he thinks it’s beneath him, but because he’s not sure he’s strong enough to nurse that heartbreak.

donghyuck sees his hands, and he forcibly unclenches one of them and holds it tight. mark’s breath hitches, he completely forgot that he’s been standing next to him the entire time.

“don’t you dare talk about taeyong like tha-”

“can you all shut the fuck up?” he yells, shocking them all into silence. “mark isn’t a pawn for you to use for your stupid arguments. you don’t even respect him enough to not have a screaming match about him like he’s not even in the room. did anyone stop to notice how uncomfortable he is right now?”

“what did you just say?” his mother’s tone is cold as ice.

“you heard me, and while i have your attention, nine pm is a totally reasonable time for an eighteen year old to come home. did you think i kidnapped your son or something? let him breathe.”

mark’s heart races. the surprised and upset looks on everyone’s faces make him feel like he’s going to be sick. it’s all so overwhelming, and he’s never been good at confrontation. especially not when it’s concerning his entire fucking life’s purpose.

his grandmother opens her mouth to say something, but he points his fingers at her next. “and  _ you _ . you’ve watched this happen the entire time but only decided to intervene now? none of you give a single shit.”

“donghyuck,” he says in a low voice. “that’s enough.”

donghyuck’s grip on his hand loosens. “what?”

“please, stop.”

“bu-”

“let’s just talk about this later, okay?” he realizes how menacing that sounds, because donghyuck’s anger melts into confusion, but he can’t be bothered to care right now. he signals for him to go upstairs, which, after a few seconds of deliberation he finally does.

as soon as donghyuck is out of sight, his father unleashes his rage. “you brought this boy into our home-”

“i don’t want to have this conversation,” mark cuts him off. “i don’t want to get dragged into any of this. i’m going to bed.”

he only notices the angry tears welling up in his eyes when he’s halfway through the stairs.

“why did you stop me?” donghyuck asks as soon as he closes the door behind him. he doesn’t look too happy about mark intervening, which only makes him more annoyed.

“it wasn’t any of your business,” mark says. his chest hurts and his entire body is shaking. why is he and donghyuck arguing right now? why is any of this happening to him? he sniffs quietly as he tries to collect himself.

“ _ none of my business _ ? so i should have just stood there and watched them talk about you like that?”

“what did you think was going to happen, huh? screaming at my entire family was magically going to fix my life? they’ll never understand.”

the last words squeeze on his heart, and the angry tears spill down to his cheeks. there is no escape from the life that his parents created for him, he can either live peacefully by doing what he’s told or piss everyone off and make everything so much harder and more complicated.

donghyuck doesn’t seem to understand where he’s coming, and he’s only growing more frustrated. “you asked me to come over for emotional support. i saw how uncomfortable you were, and i was trying to protect you. are you really angry at me for doing that?”

“i’m not like you,”  _ i wish i was _ . “i can’t just scream my thoughts at everyone whenever i feel like it, especially not here, where everything i fucking do has severe consequences.”

his voice breaks, and it’s only then that donghyuck finally realizes that he’s seconds away from turning into a sobbing mess. his expression softens into worry. “hey, no. no no, mark i-i- didn’t think it would make you this upset.”

he reaches out his hand, but mark flinches away. “i’m going to sleep in taeyong’s room.”

 

_ we’re leaving later tonight. _

mark stares at the text message that his mother sent him for a long time. so this how this trip ends.

he sighs and hugs his knees close as we watches people walk by, going about their day. he’s relieved that he managed to slip out in the morning before donghyuck could wake up and stop him, and there is no way he could figure out where he is right now.

donghyuck.

his mind and heart are a mess, but he’s sure about two things: he knows that none of the adults think that they were doing anything wrong, and that nothing will change. his own opinions and outbursts from his so-called boyfriend will always be silenced, so it’s better for him to lay down and stay obedient like a dog. he also knows that every time he tries to think about donghyuck, his brain turns into a jumbled mess. he has no idea how to feel and what he thinks about what he did anymore. he thought he was closer to some sort of revelation two nights ago, but after what donghyuck did, mark took five steps back. 

maybe it’s just that he’s terrified of change (which doesn’t bode well for someone who’s about to move thousands of miles away from everything he’s ever known), and that donghyuck has always been that one constant thing in his life. it’s kind of stupid of him to feel that way, given that donghyuck’s behavior has always been unpredictable.

he’s about to get up and leave when a familiar white jacket pops into his line of vision. it only takes him a second to recognize that it’s donghyuck, rushing over to him at full speed. mark contemplates running away, but easily gives in when he remembers that he’s no match for donghyuck’s long but sturdy legs.

“found ya,” he pants as he sits next to him on the great steps in front of the library. “that wasn’t so hard. i was prepared to go in and search the entire five floors, but you saved me a lot of time.”

mark  _ was _ going to go inside, but then he decided that breathing in the air outside might clear his head (it didn’t).

“my brother can never keep his mouth shut,” mark replies, exasperated. that was a record two hours and fifteen minutes that he spent without donghyuck knowing where he is.

“huh? no, i remember you mentioning how this was your favorite place in seoul,” he explains easily, and mark is at loss for words.

“donghyuck, i mentioned that in passing years ago.” how old were they then, twelve? maybe thirteen?

“yeah, and? i’m your local mark lee encyclopedia.”

mark blushes and looks down. he can’t let donghyuck’s peppiness sway him, not when he’s still pretty upset about everything that happened. “what do you want?”

donghyuck lets out a long breath, and then takes a pen out of his pocket that he must have stolen from mark’s desk at home. he grabs mark’s hand and, before he could protest, writes something down on his palm

_ forgive me no matter what. _

“y-you can’t do that, it’s not a valid mark coupon!”

“i had to improvise, i’ll give you one when we get home,” donghyuck mumbles. “i’m sorry for yelling, i let my sense of self-righteousness take over instead of considering the consequences. what a shitty fake boyfriend i turned out to be.”

mark feels like crying again, but he inhales and keeps it in. donghyuck is normally so stubborn, he’d hold grudges and stand his ground for months and years on end, but he came running to him to apologize the first chance he got. 

“no, i’m sorry too. you were trying to help me, and i was just so angry at them that i took it out on you. it wasn’t fair.”

it doesn’t solve everything, but making up with donghyuck makes him feel significantly better. when donghyuck’s there, mark feels like everything is tolerable instead of downright suffocating. he feels like he can take on anything.

“listen, i know it’s all so scary and overwhelming, i feel overwhelmed when i- er, think about certain things too,” donghyuck says, as if reading his thoughts. “i can’t promise you much, except that i’m always going to be here no matter what.”

and that’s when that dam that mark has barely managed to keep up finally breaks, and he’s flooded with a warm golden feeling, the same one he experiences when donghyuck holds him tight, when donghyuck interwines their fingers, when donghyuck calls him a dork.

there is his best friend, slightly shivering from the unfamiliar sharp seoul wind, smiling at him and trying to be strong even though it barely reaches his eyes, looking as soft and cute as he does when he’s napping during their study sessions, when he’s chasing yukhei around the school for stealing his food, when he smiles widely from the window as mark waves up to him at midnight.

there’s nothing that he wants to hear more, and he also wants to stay by donghyuck’s side for as long as he could.

he’s in love with lee donghyuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, please let me know what you think ♡♡♡
> 
> you can find me on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/puppylove) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/demonyukhei)!


	5. december

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii thank you guys for being so patient with me! the final chapter (and 100% happy ending!) is going to be up soon after this one instead of another couple months haha.

donghyuck hates the snow.

it piles and piles on when you least expect it to, and it covers everything he loves with its ugly sludge, and all he’s left with is the cold wind seeping all the way to his bones. it’s bland and sad and ugly and he falls sick every single year. so much for holiday traditions.

mark though. mark counts down the days until winter officially begins. he starts overdressing for the weather all the way in late october out of excitement. donghyuck can’t get him to stop, he does look cute when he bundles up his pretty face with a scarf and all he can see is the sparks in his dark eyes when he smiles.

he’s staring out the window with his chin in his hand as he watches the snow trickle down, not budging from his seat despite the fact that their last class had just ended. he’s been a lot quieter lately, donghyuck has noticed. quiet and distant. not in a bad way, it’s just frustrating because donghyuck feels like he can’t penetrate the very depths of his mind like he usually does.

donghyuck can’t blame him though. that whole disaster of a trip is still fresh in their minds. he doesn’t know what his parents had said to him after they got back, but he’s sure it wasn’t pleasant since mark’s visits to his house became infrequent. it’s ridiculous to him. mark practically grew up in his house. in donghyuck’s bedroom. 

“donghyuck,” he says, turning to him suddenly. “there is something important that we need to do.”

donghyuck gulps. he hasn’t seen him look this serious in a while. “w-what?”

mark shoves his hands under donghyuck’s desk and blindly fumbles through it until he lands on something. it’s the coupons. 

“there is a lot more left than i expected,” donghyuck says, feeling a little guilty. frankly, he’s been so distracted by everything else that’s going on in life that he forgot to use them all up. but it’s not like they have an expiration date.

mark doesn’t seem to agree. “let’s do everything on them.”

donghyuck’s first thought is the remaining kiss coupons. he’s been saving and saving them for a special occasion that never seemed to come. “ _ all _ of them? when?”

“hmm….today is friday right?” donghyuck nods. “by thursday then.”

“why, what’s on friday?” the sense of urgency is making him nervous.

mark stalls for a second before suspiciously replying, “nothing.”

donghyuck tries as hard as he can but he just can’t tell what’s on his mind. fine. maybe it’s just an arbitrary deadline.

“sure, we can do whatever you like. is this why you stayed back brooding while watching the snow?” their classmates had all already left.

mark nods shyly. “and because i miss being alone with you.”

he reveals a faint smile, and there is something bittersweet and nostalgic behind it at the same time. donghyuck’s heart skips a beat. mark always attacks him with his sentimentality when he least expects it.

“i miss you too, all the time.” even now. especially now when he can’t tell what’s on his mind.

 

the crushing reality of adulthood hits donghyuck for the very first time a few days later.

“donghyuck….hey, donghyuck, are you alright?” mark asks him, distraught. it’s eight in the morning and he’s standing at mark’s front door, hot tears trickling down his cheeks.

he feels so embarrassed and humiliated for crying. he told himself so many times that it didn’t matter to him one bit. he wasn’t like his classmates. donghyuck is too carefree to worry about something so trivial.

until he didn’t.

maybe mark’s parents’ scrutiny really got under his skin, or maybe he cared all along but refused to admit it to himself until now.

“hey,” mark says, grabbing his hand. mark’s hand is freezing, he ran downstairs in his pajamas without considering how cold it is outside. he cares about him so much and it’s painful. donghyuck can only sob more. “let’s go inside.”

“your pare-”

“can suck it. also, neither of them are home anyway. come on, you must be freezing.”

he drags him in as donghyuck struggles to contain the flow of tears by the sleeve of his sweater, then they’re both sitting in the living room, in total silence save for the sound of his sniffles. mark’s gripping both of his hands now, trying to warm them up despite visibly shivering himself.

“let me guess….college admission results came out?” all donghyuck had mentioned was the names of the four universities he’s applying to months ago. 

donghyuck takes two short breaths to collect himself before nodding. “my first and third choices rejected me. still waiting to hear from the other two. but honestly, who in their right mind would accept a loser like me?”

it’s very sweet of mark to act surprised by the news. he’s probably always known that donghyuck is a failure in the making. “what? how could they do that?”

“my grades and standardized test results were just barely acceptable,” all thanks to mark. “but i didn’t have anything else to set me apart as an applicant aside from that. i didn’t consider it before because i thought it didn’t matter. and maybe it doesn’t, but the rejection hurts, mark.”

mark squeezes his hands tighter. “it’s totally normal to feel hurt, and you’re not a loser. any university would be so, so lucky to have you as a student. all these numbers on your applications are arbitrary. they’re not who you are and who you could be.”

it’s not the type of advice that he expected  from the grade obsessed mark. donghyuck wonders if he knows that these words apply to him just as much.

“that’s not what i came to talk to you about. my stupid tears got in the way.” he blinks them out of his eyes. he didn’t come here to feel even sadder than he originally did. 

“then what?”

he reaches into the pocket of his jeans and takes out a crumbled coupon. one that he set aside for absolute emergencies. and there was no occasion as perfect as this one.

_ make me laugh. _

“donghyuck,” mark says as he takes it from him with a smile. “i am literally the least funny person you know.”

“which is why i never used this until now,” donghyuck replies cheekily. sure, mark wasn’t a natural born comedian, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t the only person who could cheer him up right now. he was the first person on his mind when he got the results, when he felt crushed and like his entire world was crashing down. mark is safe. mark can make him feel okay again.

“hmm….” mark thinks hard about what he should say. “i might not be funny, but my best friend is the coolest and wittiest person i know. let me tell you all about him.”

donghyuck can’t help but crack a smile. of course he found a way to continue his post-rejection pep talk. 

“two weeks ago we were all over at jeno’s and jaemin was trying to predict all of our futures with his planet bullshit, and you know what he did?”

he’s already giggling at the memory. “i skimmed through his blog on my phone and read his fortune back to him. the way his face fell was absolutely priceless. i’m pretty sure he was convinced i had super psychic powers for a minute there.”

“i mean, i wouldn’t be surprised if you did. your personality has overly hyper anime protagonist written all over it.” 

donghyuck covers his face and falls back into the couch. “oh my god, stop! you’re just embarrassing me now!”

“i’m telling you the truth! or at least my truth. this is what you are to me, donghyuck,” he says his name quietly, in the same mysterious way that’s just driving donghyuck insane. it shouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary, but he could swear that something had changed.

“tell me more about your version of me, then,” he says when mark doesn’t continue, thirsty for the validation.

“there is that time when we thirteen you went through your naruto phase,” he ignores donghyuck’s protests that they  _ both _ went through that phase. “and you were convinced that you could naruto run down the school stairs and ended up breaking your leg. the worst part about it was that i really believed you could do it. we were equally stupid and it was beautiful.”

“you’d think the worst part would be me breaking my fucking leg,” donghyuck laughs. he remembers the horrible pain but not mark cheering him on the entire way through, or mark trying not to cry while explaining to the school nurse what had happened.

“shut up! the point i’m trying to make is that you were so invincible to me back then, and now that i think about it, you still are.”

donghyuck’s heart falls a little bit. “but i’m not, look at the mess i turned out to be.”

“you’re not a mess. just because a couple of universities decided that they don’t want the literal sun on their campus doesn’t mean you’re not going to succeed in life.”

“the literal sun,” donghyuck repeats in disbelief. 

“don’t make me say it again,” mark replies, looking away as his face turns red. “now are you satisfied or do i have to keep going? because all the funny stories i have involve you.”

it’s really times like this that make him wish they were more than just friends more than ever, because then he wouldn’t have to tiptoe around his own feelings and hold back all the things he really wants to say. and a little tiny part of him also wishes that mark could kiss all the sadness out of him, but that’s never ever going to happen.

“keep talking,” he says.

 

donghyuck gets accepted into his fourth choice.

“i’m not a total failure! i’m going to a university in fucking seoul!” he announces to the entire class while standing on his chair. he’s met with moderate applause.

“four years of donghyuck….” renjun says.

“what did i tell you! lucky them! best choice they ever made!” mark says. he sounds a lot more excited about it than donghyuck is, who feels bad about making him so worried in the first place.

“my condolences to them, and to every professor who will ever suffer the displeasure of having you in class,” jaemin says solemnly. he acts like he wasn’t the first to pull donghyuck into a long tight hug when he heard the news.

donghyuck glares at him before changing the subject. “we should celebrate! and i know exactly how.”

he kept his word to mark about using up the coupons, and there is less than ten of them left now. 

_ treat me to a meal. _

he wanted to save this for something really expensive, but as fate would have it, mark now has five hungry friends to feed with this coupon. maybe sometime in the future when they’re potentially dating and he takes him out on a fancy dinne-  _ no. snap out of it donghyuck. _

jaemin closes his eyes and sighs in relief. “finally, you’re making yourself useful.”

“i can’t believe you’re still mad about the fortune telling thing, everyone found it hilarious, right guys?” everyone except jeno nods. poor jeno, the things that he’s done for love.

“i won’t be after i stuff myself with the food that mark is going to buy us,” jaemin winks. his forgiveness was easier to buy than donghyuck had anticipated. 

mark pulls him aside before they leave.

“ah….for this one, i thought it was going to be just the two of us….” mark says, looking around the room like he’s saying something risky.

is he?

“why? if you don’t have the money to pay for all of us we could just go to the convenience store or somet-”

“that’s not it!” mark snaps at him, frustrated.

donghyuck blinks. “damn, i get it. there is no need to get so heated. ddeokbokki it is.”

“you don’t really unders- ugh, whatever,” mark shakes his head. “also, i’m really proud of you. i always knew you could do it.”

“couldn’t do it without you,” donghyuck says, smiling. and he really means it.

“no, that was all you. a hundred percent.”

 

“i am going to eat my weight in ddeokbokki,” jeno says, wiggling on his seat in excitement.

the old ddeokbokki shop next to their school has become a staple for all their celebrations. and also any day where jeno was really hungry after classes had ended. which was a lot.

the sharp smell of the sauce automatically puts donghyuck in a good mood. it reminds him of all the happy memories they’ve shared here, how the six of them grew up together, on broken legs and bad school grades and almost dance battles. 

he cozies up next to renjun, who’s a little baffled but lets him have his way today, perhaps out of sympathy. mark, sitting on the opposite side of the table, eyes the two of them silently but doesn’t say anything.

“donghyuck of all people getting into university and moving to seoul made me realize something….” renjun says, his mouth full of rice cakes.

“you can bullshit your way through life and still get somewhere?” jeno asks.

“you can bullshit your way through life as long as you're charming?” donghyuck corrects him.

“donghyuck is absolutely fully capable!” mark says.

“i was going to say that we’re all grown up now but real grown ups let their adult friends finish a sentence.”

“don’t mind them, im listening to you,” yukhei squeezes his shoulder, and donghyuck can almost hear the sirens going off in renjun’s head. he squeezes his cheeks. so cute.

“being here especially is just….” renjun has to take a second to remember how to speak again. “it’s all so different since the last time we ate together, and that was like what? a couple of weeks ago? donghyuck is moving to seoul for university, and so is yukhei for his modeling job, jeno and jaemin are going to school together here, and mark-”

donghyuck shoves a rice cake into his mouth before he could finish the rest of that sentence. if nobody says it out loud then he can ignore the inevitable for just a little longer. he sneaks a look at mark, who's looking down and eating his portion with great ferocity. what the fuck is up with him?

renjun continues when he finally manages to swallow. “what i was trying to say is, everything changed so fast, and in a few weeks it’s all going to be so different again.” 

“i didn’t realize you were such a sap,” donghyuck says, trying to ease the tension. “you’re going to miss me so much, aren’t you?”

“of course i’m going to miss you, you’re my best friend,” renjun says matter-of-factly, and it takes donghyuck by surprise. he’s never been this open about his feelings before.

maybe they really are growing up. 

“it doesn’t matter if we’re all forty five and living on opposite ends of earth,” yukhei says, and donghyuck winces. he wishes his friends would just stop bringing it up. “it’s not like we’ll stop being best friends, that will always stay the same.”

jeno groans. “let’s stop talking about this before one of you starts crying, i’m begging you. we’re here to empty mark’s wallet, let’s focus on the real objective.”

their plates are licked clean soon after, and donghyuck’s about to throw his head on renjun’s shoulder (out of appreciation) and take a post-feast nap when something outside catches his eyes.

“please don’t tell me it’s snowing again.” he does not have the energy to walk all the way home in this weather.

“it’s snowing!” mark yells and hurriedly hands the old lady running the shop a few ten thousand won bills before rushing out the door, the others shrug at each other and follow him out.

okay, donghyuck has to admit that this isn’t so ugly. mark is spinning outside in the middle of the road, his clothes already covered in snow. he looks like an angel being bathed in pure light. wow, he has his gay goggles on tight this afternoon.

“snowing while it’s sunny,” donghyuck shivers and crosses his arms. “the worst combination known to man.”

and yet, it kind of works. because mark looks his prettiest then, sun rays on milky skin. burying his hands in the piles of snow, staring at it in childlike wonder, like he’s never seen anything like it before.

….and then taking an aim and throwing it right on donghyuck’s chest.

“i’m going to destroy you,” he bends down to make a snowball of his own but slips and falls right on his butt.

“the only thing you’re going to destroy is your own ass,” mark says as he walks up to him, feeling victorious. he extends an arm to donghyuck, who takes it and pushes him down with him.

mark lets out a breathy giggle as he falls, rolling down in the blanket of snow. burying themselves in it can’t be a good idea, but donghyuck forgets how uncomfortable and cold it is because all he can think about is how much he wants to kiss mark’s flushed face. it’s all so surreal, he could swear the snow begins to fall in slow motion too.

but the strangest thing about it is that mark stops laughing and stares at him back. almost as if he finally caught wind of his thoughts. 

they only notice the real world still happening around them when renjun asks yukhei if he could walk the two seven year olds in their company home. renjun is back on his shitlist. 

“hey, i get it now. next time it’s just you and me,” donghyuck says as he pulls himself back up. he wipes the snow off the shoulders of mark’s coat.

mark sniffles and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“sure you don’t.”

 

“ah, mark lee. you have arrived,” donghyuck whispers weakly. “i am on my deathbed.”

“you caught a cold.”

maybe rolling around in the snow wasn’t a very smart idea after all. not that donghyuck wouldn’t do it again if given the chance. 

“i can’t breathe through my nose, and what happens to living creatures that can’t breathe?”

“they die….?”

“they die! it’s basic physics!” he coughs, which only turns up the fire that he feels in his throat. “life is fleeting….cherish the days you have left on this earth, mark….”

“enough of the theatrics, what did you call me in for? it’s something really stupid, isn’t it?” mark of all people understands how delirious donghyuck can get when he’s under the weather.

“yes! i mean, no! you must take this!” he hands him the sweaty coupon that has been in his hand since he texted him to come over. just because he’s inches away from his imminent death doesn’t mean that he can’t keep his promise. 

_ be my servant for a day. _

“donghyuck, there is snot on this.”

he might have mistaken it for a tissue at some point. “are you saying no?”

“i would never say no, not to you,” he says a little too pointedly. donghyuck’s stream of logical thoughts is as blocked as his nose, so he doesn’t catch whatever it is that he’s hinting at.

mark really puts his money where his mouth is, because the first thing he does is grabbing a tissue and shoving it in donghyuck’s nose. “blow.”

“god, you are so gross. what would i do without you in my life?”

“probably just fine,” mark caresses his warm wet cheek, and if the sickness didn’t already take donghyuck’s breath away, this surely would have. mark’s moments of physical affection are rare and far between, and there is something so pure and intimate about his thumb’s gentle press on his face.

“sleep,” donghyuck explains intelligently as he begins to doze off. mark is still stroking his face.

“i’ll be here,” he assures him.

he wakes up a few hours later to the low sound of mark’s humming. it’s an old song, a simple acoustic ballad. mark loves those, and donghyuck naturally weaved his feelings into their chords and lyrics. he made them all about the two of them. secretly, selfishly. 

“our song.” the words slip out without thinking.

mark’s humming comes to a halting stop. “hmm,” he thinks, instead of laughing at him. “every day with you….i suppose it works.”

“wait,” donghyuck sits up in his bed, and winces when a sharp pain rushes through every nerve in his head. “you mean that?”

“sure, i have been stuck with you almost every day of my life since i was a kid,” he laughs when donghyuck responds with a sad pout. “kidding, it really does fit. i like it.”

“i like it too,” he falls back into the pillow with a sigh. “now, have you been making yourself useful while i was asleep?”

“watch your tone when i’m doing you such a big favor.”

“sorry, you’re right. i should be more considerate towards your feelings when i’m literally dying.”

mark tests his temperature. “i don’t know what you learned at school, but a slight fever will not kill you.”

“can never be too careful,” donghyuck grumbles.

“i got you some soup while you were asleep an-”

“you left the room?” donghyuck shrieks. he was there all alone in a dangerous condition? how could mark be so irresponsible?

“that’s not in the terms of the coupon!”

“well it should be! don’t leave, you’re not allowed. total donghyuck lockdown today.”

“yeah,  _ today _ ,” mark rolls his eyes. “now sit up and eat your goddamn soup. and i’m not going to feed it to you.”

donghyuck widens his eyes and pouts, a solid strategy. they maintain the eye contact for a solid minute before mark makes it clear that he is not going to budge. damn it, it was worth the try.

“hand over your stinky soup,” he says, throwing a tiny cough at the end for some extra sympathy points.

mark holds the bowl to his chest. he hesitates for a moment before sighing and sitting on the edge of the bed. “open your mouth,” he orders.

donghyuck’s heart starts racing, and his already sweat drenched pajamas feel even more stuffy. mark gently guides the spoon to his mouth, and then uses his sleeve to wipe off anything that spills over to his chin.

“that’s so gross,” he giggles, feeling like a messy two year old. 

“i’ve seen the contents of the tissues all over your floor, don’t you dare to talk me about gross.” mark isn’t even smiling, he’s taking his task of feeding donghyuck (despite his fully functioning hands) very seriously. donghyuck still can’t believe he even agreed to it in the first place. it all feels like a fever induced dream.

“mark, why do you want me to use up all the coupons before friday?”

mark picks at the hair strands stuck on donghyuck’s forehead. “i told you it was nothing.”

he yawns. his eyelids are getting heavy again, but he’s still not satisfied with the answer, so he asks a different question. “mark, why are you still here despite how annoying i’m being right now?”

mark puts away the empty bowl. he takes his time before answering. “the truth is that i would have come whether you texted me or not, and i would have stayed whether you handed me that coupon or not.”

one more thing. “mark?” 

“what?” he sounds irritated now.

“i love you.” and he falls back asleep.

 

if mark heard him, if donghyuck had even said what he thought he said (instead of sleepy gibberish), neither of them mention it at all come friday afternoon, donghyuck’s first day back at school after skipping a couple of days. they’re walking back home when donghyuck surprises him with a gift.

“when did you get these?” mark takes the two train tickets from his hand. they’re for a beach town an hour away from where they live, and there is a coupon between them.

_ let’s go to any place i ask for. _

“how many tickets are there?” donghyuck asks. he wants him to say it.

“two? you and me?”

“just two! i didn’t invite anyone else this time around.” he’s so proud of himself for not making the same stupid mistake a second time.

“make fun of me one more time and renjun is going to be the one you’re taking to the beach.”  _ renjun _ ? seems like a random choice. he wonders what made mark think of him first.

“i only do it because you’re so fucking cute,” he pinches his cheeks. a tiny smile forms at the corners of mark’s lips. strange. he usually hates the cheek pinching the most. “go get changed now, wear something comfy!”

 

train rides only make donghyuck think of seoul now. of his future life there.

the real reason he applied to universities in a different city was because he knew he wouldn’t be able to ignore the giant blank space left in his life when mark leaves forever. he wouldn’t be able to sleep without watching the lights turn off from mark’s window at the same time every night.

it’s a worse heartbreak than if mark told him to his face that nothing can ever happen between them.

he made the decision after they came home back in september and he had to face the reality of the inevitable. he’s terrified of leaving everything he knew behind, but there was also something exciting about building an entirely new life from scratch. or so he’s been trying to tell himself.

 

the beach looks almost exactly like it did when their group came here a couple of years ago, except it’s a lot quieter now that it’s december, and most of the beachfront shops were already closed either for the day or the season. it’s just him and mark and the vast sea tonight, stretching ahead of them endlessly, menacingly. it’s a little intimidating. 

they sit quietly and watch as the ocean swallows the sun. 

if it’s this awkward, then mark must have heard his _ i love you _ . it hangs in the air above them like a dark cloud. he’s expressed his love for his best friend before, said a lot of things that roughly mean the same. but never this.

he grips on to the second to last coupon in his pocket, crumbles it in his hand until he finally gathers the courage to hand it over.

_ kiss me. _

mark made exactly one of those.  _ make it count _ , he said to him that night. and that single, probably chaste, peck on the cheek has driven donghyuck crazy as he tried to make perfect use for it. he can’t say that he hasn’t imagined his request to go in a completely different direction either.

“mark,” he says, gripping into the hem of his shirt to get his attention. mark looks distant again, his eyes lost in what lays ahead. “i’ve got exactly one left.”

“i completely forgot about this,” mark exhales as he takes the coupon and straightens it out. “but a lot has changed since i made it.” 

“changed, how exactly?” everyone says that word a lot.  _ change _ . but donghyuck still feels the same. he’s still a dumb kid who desperately wishes he could stop being in love with his best friend. and after so many years, he’s given up hope that he ever will. 

“you’ve noticed too, haven’t you? especially that time outside the ddeokbokki shop.” it feels strange to actually hear it from mark himself. he’d almost convinced himself that he had been imagining the slight shift in mark’s behavior around him. it was so subtle that only donghyuck had noticed. because of course he would.

“of course i did. you could lose a single hair off your head and i’d notice.” he’s so relieved that they’re talking about it. they talk about everything, it felt suffocating to pretend everything was fine.

“so….” mark turns to face away from the sea to face him. his bottom lip shakes as he prepares for what he’s about to say. “i want to try something.”

“something different?” is he going to kiss his forehead? that’s too corny, even for them.

“yeah, but if you don’t like it i’ll apologize and we’ll never mention it again. promise?”

and then the puzzle pieces finally fit together in donghyuck’s head. mark’s weird behavior, his distance, renjun, that split second under the snow.

“try me.”

he closes his eyes and prays that he’s not wrong.

the first thing he feels is a cold puff of air on his face, and then it’s mark’s lips on his.

it happens so fast, just two seconds, but they’re enough to send donghyuck’s heart into overdrive.

“you heard me,” is the first thing he says when he opens his eyes. mark is breathing heavily, his flushed face is obscured by the fog coming out of his mouth. 

“i wasn’t sure….if you meant it that way or if you even knew what you were saying and i-”

donghyuck stops him before he could finish. “i did, and i knew.”

he’s scared of how mark how will react, if he just did it out of sympathy or curiousity or god knows what, but mark only smiles reassuringly.

he doesn’t know where and how to begin, he has so many questions to ask but he also thinks about how any second that he wastes on talking could be used to kiss mark instead. and god, does he have years of pent up frustration to make up for. 

“that’s a relief.” mark replies, and that’s the only answer that donghyuck needs for now.

“i can….i can say it however many times i want now,” he can’t stop shaking, he’s so overwhelmed that his body feels like it’s about to give out at any second. “ i love you, i love you, i love you. i’ve loved you since we were six mark, and i’ve wanted to kiss you since we were fifteen. i wanted to kiss you when it was snowing that day and after you gave me back the car eraser and outside the library and in the school clinic. all the time. i’ve held back so much.”

his voice breaks at the last word, and he bites back a sob. he hates crying so much, but now he just feels so relieved that his feelings are spilling out in the form of tears, like they can’t be contained any longer. 

he knows mark is about to say something, so he stops him. “don’t say sorry, for the love of god don’t apologize. i don’t regret a single second i’ve spent with you. i yearned for you so much but it didn’t matter, i was happy just to have you by my side. i love you.”

“i love you too,” mark whispers, holding his face and stroking away the tears. “and since you won’t let me tell you how sorry i am for being an oblivious idiot for so long….thank you for waiting.” 

“you’re worth the wait,” donghyuck replies. “i mean, i didn’t realize how fucking cute you would be when you got jealous. it’s a whole new world.”

it’s crazy how he’s known mark all his life but now he’s going to get to know him all over again. the mark who gets jealous easily, the mark who doesn’t mind spoon feeding donghyuck just because he asked, the mark who’s brave and desperate enough to initiate long overdue kisses.

donghyuck inhales deeply, trying to stop himself from sobbing again.

“i told you to quit teasing me! do you understand how hard it was for me to sit there and watch you throw yourself at another boy? when i was hoping that you’d use that coupon for an expensive dinner for just the two of us?”

" _throw_ myself? i can’t believe you’re calling renjun another boy, oh my god.” even his wildest dreams could not predict this. 

“what can i say,” mark shrugs. “when it comes to you my rational judgement is thrown out of the window.”

it’s incredible how he’s so sure of himself, and donghyuck is sure he’s never seen his best friend look as confident about something as he is about liking him.

“wow, i love you. kiss me again.”

“i love you too.” is mark going to say it back every time he does? donghyuck isn’t sure if he could handle it. 

he takes donghyuck’s hand and interwines their fingers before kissing him again. they kiss slowly, lulled by the gentle sound of the waves and their uneven breathing against each other. donghyuck is shaking so much that mark has to take the lead, leaving loving pecks all over his face, on his moles and his tear stains and the corners of his lips. it’s like he’s truly appreciating it for the first time in his life.

 

“be honest with me, why did you choose today?” donghyuck finally asks as they’re about to leave. he has started to think that it must have some significance to their relationship, if this is the day mark decided to finally kiss him.

the happy glow around mark’s face fades away. “today is the day my college application results were scheduled to come out. i got in, donghyuck. i’m going to canada.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, as always please let me know what you think ♡♡♡
> 
> i'm also on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/puppylove) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/demonyukhei)!


	6. january and beyond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's finally finished!!!!!! thank you so much for waiting, especially if you've been here since the beginning 💚

donghyuck’s brief stint at being mark’s fake boyfriend did not prepare him for the real thing. at all.

it should be obvious enough, but his best friend mark and his boyfriend mark are not the same people, and he’s in a total daze trying to decide which one of them he’s in love with more.

his boyfriend mark stands outside his window, inviting him to sneak out in the middle of the night instead of coming up to his room, and donghyuck, weak and gay more hopelessly in love than he ever was before, can’t change his clothes and run down the stairs fast enough.

“i can’t believe i’m saying this,” donghyuck says, pulling his hoodie over his head from under his padded jacket. “but we have school tomorrow.”

“exactly,” mark replies as he hops on his bicycle. donghyuck follows suit. “school tomorrow, and then we’re stuck studying with the rest of the gang until at least nine in the evening, and by then we’re both tired and just want to go home and sleep. tell me when exactly i will have time to date you?”

he’s touched by mark’s enthusiasm, his intricate planning to find time for them to be together despite both of their hectic schedules. plus, they’re not like other couples, they have a ticking timer over their heads at all times. someday all of this will have to end, and that someday is quickly approaching.

donghyuck asked mark not to apologize that night, insisted that he didn’t regret a single day they spent together as just friends, but he finds himself constantly wondering what could have been if he hadn’t been such a coward for three whole years, all the missed kisses and dates and anniversaries and late summer nights. ones that he can never get back now.

he takes a deep breath and tries to push the thoughts out of his mind, and then he smiles. “so where are you whisking me away to tonight, then?”

“it’s not exactly the most romantic place in the world,” mark begins apologetically. “but it’s not like we have too many options past midnight.”

mark is right, a twenty four hour kimbap shop is not romantic at all, but when donghyuck steps into the empty restaurant, holding tightly onto mark’s hand, he thinks that there is nowhere else in the world that he’d rather be right now.

there is something so dreamlike and surreal about it, it’s like slipping into a different dimension. in the neon lights reflecting on the window, the faint notes of the old song playing on the tv, and the slightly decaying wallpaper. it all makes his heart feels at ease. it’s a dimension where only he and mark and their feelings exist, and everything is okay.

he only notices how tired mark looks when they sit across from each other. his eyes are hooded and the dark circles under them look particularly severe tonight, and his heart clenches when he realizes how hard it must have been for him to force himself awake for long enough to whisk donghyuck away on this late night adventure.

“tell me about your day,” he says. what do people talk about on dates?

“the one i spent entirely with you?” mark asks, grinning.

“ah, that’s right. there is nothing for us to talk about, then.” they’ve had twelve years to exhaust every conversation topic known to man. “you should’ve taken me someplace where we could make out instead.”

the way that mark’s cheeks flush and his round eyes widen in alarm just never gets old. donghyuck loves making him flustered, and it helps that he’s mark number one weakness. “k-keep your voice down!”

donghyuck only laughs, but the air is already charged between them. he resists the urge to act on his words.

“okay then, tell me what’s on your mind instead,” he tries again.

“you know exactly what’s on my mind, donghyuck,” he says in a low voice, head hanging down in embarrassment and donghyuck’s heart bursts with affection.

mark turns into a total baby when the topic of making out is even brought up. he can’t say the word _kissing_ without turning the same color as that faded car eraser, and yet when he kisses him he does it with such neediness and desperation that donghyuck doesn’t need any words. just the way he pulls him closer towards him is more than enough.

“no, i mean before i said that!”

that seems to make mark feel a little bit better. “it’s just as embarrassing to say out loud….”

“suffering from secondhand embarrassment is an essential part of dating you,” donghyuck says, and swiftly avoids mark’s incoming arm punch. "dare i say, the only part.”

“you love me,” mark protests. he’s pouting, arms crossed.

“so much,” donghyuck agrees. “now tell me.”

“okay….” mark still won’t look at him. “i can’t stop thinking about how happy i am. every time you hold my hand, every time you kiss me, every time you say that you like me, i feel so overwhelmed and like my entire body is about to burst. i never knew it was even possible for my feelings to be so….much. and all the time. from the moment i wake up until i text you good night.”

“so happy you can't sleep?”

“so happy i fought sleep to drag you out here, so happy i can’t fathom wasting the hours of the night not being with you.”

but mark is donghyuck’s number one weakness too.

he pulls his hoodie further down his face. “dork.”

the college-aged girl manning the shop alone sets their food in front of them then, throwing a polite smile before heading into the kitchen. she must have overheard their conversation, or at least the most embarrassing parts of it.

he figures that's what people do talk about on dates.

the most fun thing about them dating is him catching himself waxing poetry about mark’s cute face in his head and realizing he could say it all out loud now.

“i never said that being embarrassing is a bad thing,” he says. “i don’t think you fully understand how cute you look when you get embarrassed.”

mark narrows his eyes, his ears turning red at the compliment. “so you try to elicit the embarrassment out of me on purpose? evil.”

“is it really so evil of me to love your flushed cheeks?”

“that’s gay,” mark is blushing harder than before.

“no, gay is holding my hand tightly under the table since we got here. i’m not going anywhere mark.”

“you’re not letting go.”

“and i don’t want to.”

and it’s incredible how easy it all is. their familiar bickering is still the same, except it’s now tinged with a current of flirting underneath every word.

he pulls away anyway (with an admirable amount of resistance from mark), grabs a roll, and motions for mark to open his mouth. “you’ve barely eaten anything all day.”

mark obeys and chews with his mouth open. it’s disgusting, but the sight of him devouring the food makes donghyuck feel more at ease. “are you repaying me for feeding you when you got sick?”

donghyuck smiles and nods. “i did enjoy that quite a lot.”

“i can totally see it, getting babied by my boyfriend is pretty nice.”

donghyuck always has to stop himself from screeching whenever the word rolls off mark’s tongue. mark loves him back. he’s mark’s boyfriend. he can kiss him whenever he wants. they’re on a _date_.

“-hyuck? donghyuck? are you okay?” mark’s stopped mid chew, his eyebrows are furrowed in concern.

he blinks at him. “why wouldn’t i be okay?”

“you looked like you were about to pass out just now.”

“you know how you were talking about overwhelming getting together has been?” mark makes an agreeing sound. “i was going through that just now too.”

“you’re gross.”

donghyuck takes his hand again, and mark almost chokes on his food in surprise. “so are you, and i love you.”

he waits, for one second and then two more. “i love you too.”

donghyuck will never get used to this.

 

they haven’t really talked about what comes next. it just looms over them as they pretend that everything is fine and that they’ll wake up every morning to walk to school together forever. donghyuck never feels ready to have that conversation, finally taking that next step in his relationship with mark was a huge feat in itself and he’s not sure he could take on another nerve wracking and life changing conversation. mark looks like he’s about to mention it sometimes, but every time he opens his mouth with that serious look in his eyes, the fear that immediately strikes donghyuck forces him to back down.

it’s really stupid of them to do, seeing as they have to figure out what place they’ll take up in each other’s lives when they’re separated by thousands of miles. mark’s nightmare about donghyuck making new friends and abandoning him on the first day of high school flashes in his mind. donghyuck wonders if mark is still plagued by these thoughts, if this is a serious concern that he still has but feels too embarrassed about to mention to donghyuck.

the only way they really communicate about it is when one of them tries to turn around to say goodbye but just can’t go through with it, worried about wasting their limited time together. tonight is a prime example.

“you should go in and sleep,” mark says. “long day tomorrow.”

“maybe if you let me go for long enough for me to go inside….” donghyuck is trapped in the warmth of mark’s coat, who opened his arms with his hands in pockets and pulled him into a suffocating hug.

“but you look cold,” mark invents excuses. donghyuck doesn’t miss the way he can barely keep his eyes open.

“i’m the literal sun, i think i’ll be okay,” he replies.

mark finally concedes and lets him go, and donghyuck instantly feels the cold seeping into his bones. he suspects it has little to do with the negative degree weather.

he kisses mark’s mouth while it’s in the middle of forming a soft goodnight. his lips are cold and chapped and dry, but they feel just perfect on donghyuck’s.

mark exhales sharply as he leans into the kiss, deepening it and inviting donghyuck into the warmth of his mouth. it’s that exact desperation that donghyuck is so addicted to, even if it’s for reasons they’d both like to ignore.

but it hurts so much, so unbearably at the same time that donghyuck has to blink back tears. it’s not fair that mark is so good at kissing him, how much he wants to do it, how shy he gets talking about it. mark lee is finally under his spell, at the mercy of his lips, and he has to let it all go.

screw all that shit about starting a new life in seoul. no one will ever be his the way mark is. he’s setting himself up for months of heartbreak and misery.

“mark,” he says when they pull away. mark looks absolutely sedated, a combination of sleepiness and being kissed senseless. “i lied that time, about using up all the coupons. you forgot one and i never mentioned it….”

mark has no idea what the hell he’s on about, and he’s far too tired to process it. “another….coupon?”

“yeah,” donghyuck whispers against his lips. “it’s _do anything for me_.”

mark audibly gulps, his eyes going from nearly closed to bulging out of their sockets. he licks his lips as he contemplates this information. “ _anything_?”

it’s at that moment that donghyuck wishes he was better with words. if only he could say anything to mark other than repeating his _i love you_ s like a mantra or calling him a dork whenever he got too flustered. if only he could eloquently express the torrent of emotions flowing inside him. it’s what mark deserves, but all donghyuck can muster right now is three words.

“please don’t go.”

but the way that mark’s face twists in pain assures him that they’re more than enough to get them across.

“donghyuck i-” he cuts himself off, unsure of how to respond. mark can feel his quickening heartbeat and pulls away slightly, trying to give him room to breathe. “it’s getting late, we should get some sleep. goodnight.”

 

mark runs back to his house, leaving donghyuck to stew in shame and regret. what right does he have to ask mark to give up everything he’s worked towards all his life to stay back with a loser like him? he always thought it was stupid for people to make such big decisions for the sake of their relationships, but he never imagined that he would be the one begging for it.

maybe a part of him was hoping that mark would readily agree without a question, just like he does to everything that donghyuck asks him to do. he knows that mark could never say no to him, and a tiny part of donghyuck might have wondered how far he’s willing to go.

he feels so selfish and disgusting and he wishes he could scrub that hurt look on mark’s face from his mind forever.

donghyuck is just so fed up with how unfair it all is, and he can’t hold back the tears at the corner of his eyes anymore. they spill down as he crouches down in the middle of the narrow neighborhood, sobbing as quietly as he can as the cold wind howls around him.

 

“i wish i was dead,” is how renjun greets them at five in the morning a few days later.

“i’m glad we’re all equally excited about our last big activity together as high school students!” jaemin replies cheerfully. he’s always been a morning person, much to the dismay of everyone else in the group. donghyuck suspects that the reason he’s linking arms with jeno is because the latter is still seventy percent asleep.

mark and donghyuck smile sheepishly at each other. it’s been a little awkward since that night, mark woke up the next morning and pretended that nothing happened and donghyuck decided to go along with it. he buried his urge to apologize down because it would only make things worse.

yukhei looks up at the empty school building in wonder. “i’ve been looking forward to this day since our entrance ceremony.”

“you’ve been looking forward to a stupid school tradition for three years?” renjun sounds a little irritated.

every year, the third year students at their school organize a scavenger hunt as a way to celebrate their graduation. their class was chosen to place the clues early in the morning with a game of rock and scissors. jaemin calls it an honor, but donghyuck suspects that the other classes cheated to get out of waking up at four am.

“not that part, the part where i finally get the fuck out of here.”

everyone laughs except renjun, who doesn’t seem that happy with that answer.

yukhei wraps an arm around his neck and rubs his head lovingly. “i’ve made some great memories though.”

“i don’t care! let me go!” he can barely contain the happiness blooming on his face. his crush is so obvious and so embarrassing and donghyuck wonders if this is what he looked like to everyone just a few weeks ago.

“i’m going to miss it though,” mark says. he hides a clue inside a random shoe locker. “just a little.”

“of course a nerd like you would miss this cursed building,” renjun mumbles as he stifles a yawn.

“i feel the same though,” donghyuck comes to his rescue. no one is allowed to make fun of mark for being a nerd except for him. “i can think of a good memory in every place in the school.”

“even the principal’s office?”

he doesn’t have to think long for that one. “that was the first time i saw yukhei, i was getting told off for being late and he was sitting there because he just transferred and couldn’t find his class.”

“you made a great first impression,” yukhei laughs.

they sit on the roof to eat the breakfast jaemin prepared for them and watch the sunrise an hour later. it might be the coldest time of the day, but none of them wanted to miss the chance to eat his delicious lunch boxes one last time.

“i only came for the food by the way,” jeno says, grinning.

jaemin makes a confused face. “i don’t know whether to be offended or flattered.”

“he’s saying that his growling stomach is the only thing that could get him to look at your ugly face in the morning.”

“yeah, renjun, but it’s _my_ food.”

“so what?”

“so _what_? he’s practically asking me to marry him,” jaemin concludes confidently, and jeno chokes on his food.

donghyuck’s so busy following their stupid back and forth that he barely notices mark intertwining their fingers. he turns to look at him with a curious look, but he ignores him in favor of laughing at their friends’ antics.

he understands it to mean that everything is okay between them.

“to our bright futures,” he raises his juice box to make a toast, and the rest of them follow. “and mark lee becoming the president of south korea.”

renjun smacks the juice off his hand. “i’m going to push you off the roof.”

 

after much extensive research, donghyuck has decided that mark’s bed is his favorite place to make out.

that’s when mark is really in his domain, he feels and looks a lot more comfortable as he gently pins him against the wall and settles into his lap.

it’s a sunny saturday afternoon, but the only warmth he could feel is the one radiating from mark’s body as he presses himself against him like a needy kitten.

“can you give me a second to breathe?” donghyuck giggles as every corner of his face gets attacked. “i literally just got here.”

mark stops and frowns. “you want me to stop?”

donghyuck rolls his eyes as he pushes mark by his shoulders and he falls back easily. “i want you to slow down.”

it's fun figuring these things out with mark. they’re both so new to it (being hung up on each other for years didn’t give them much room to date), but the inexperience and roughness only makes it so much better. he doesn’t know how mark feels about it, but every touch is so much more meaningful to donghyuck.

so he shows mark exactly what he’d like as he takes the lead and eases into another kiss for a few torturous minutes. his pace makes mark squirm underneath him, but he wants to pretend that time has slowed down around them, and milking every tiny sigh out of his boyfriend is a lot more satisfying.

two quick knocks on mark’s door aren't long enough for them to push each other away, and when he mother enters the room, donghyuck is still sitting firmly on top of him.

the most terrifying thing about mrs. lee is that when she gets angry, she turns ice cold. her face is expressionless and the only hint of anger is the tiny creases forming in her forehead. she’s calm and composed as she speaks to mark.

“what is he doing in my home?” she says as they scramble to get as far away from each other as possible.

he’s been sneaking in for months, so it’s a miracle he only got caught now. but donghyuck still feels a sense of doom at the pit of his stomach. he loves pretending that this woman does not exist, despite how much misery she’s brought into his life.

mark doesn’t seem as fazed, he only fixes his glasses and sits up straight. “it’s my house too, and i invited him in.”

it’s not the reaction that donghyuck expected at all. he was prepared for mark to bend over trying to explain himself and apologize. he never crosses his mother no matter what. that’s what first clues him in that there is something very wrong.

mrs. lee scoffs and leans into the doorframe. “oh, i get it now, i finally do. _this_ is the reason you’re giving up university and staying back here. i really thought you would be smarter and cut him out of your life after the way he behaved in front of your grandparents, but i guess i was just expecting too much. another disappointment just like your brother.”

wait. what?

“you’re not going to canada?” he turns to mark, who refuses to make eye contact with him. no no no this can’t be happening. he thought they were going to pretend he never said that stupid thing that night. he didn’t mean any of it. he can’t do this to mark.

“pretending you don’t know doesn’t absolve you of the guilt, donghyuck,” she glares at him. he hates the sound of his name on her lips. “at least own up to what you’re doing instead of being a coward.”

she throws them one last disgusted look before slamming the door behind her.

“mark, what the hell is she talking about?” why didn’t mark talk to him about it before?

mark doesn't answer for a long time, probably thinking that if he ignores the question for long enough it will go away. then he sighs and stares at his hands. “it’s exactly what you heard.”

“but….you got accepted into three top universities. you’re going to throw all that away?”

“just because i got accepted doesn’t mean i want to go. see this is what i didn’t want to tell you, you’re just going to try and stop me.”

donghyuck can’t believe his ears. of course he’s not going to sit back and let him do this to himself. “is it because of what i said? i was just being stupid and over dramatic and i didn’t mean it, i swear.”

he takes mark’s hands in his and holds onto them tightly. “you can’t do this mark, not because of me,” donghyuck begs.

he can’t live with himself, knowing that it’s all his fault. mark might be okay with this now but what happens when he starts to wonder how his life could’ve been if it weren’t for donghyuck? when he realizes that all his hard work had been for nothing?

“it’d be a lie to say that you’re not the reason i’m staying back, but it’s not in the way you think,” mark smiles weakly. “i did work hard towards this dream, but it was never mine. i thought i could be happy continuing to take orders like an obedient child. but….i want to be brave for once and take the difficult path. for my own sake. i’m taking the driver’s seat in my life and changing the course.”

“you were never a coward for trying to make the people you love happy,” donghyuck blurts out before he could finish. mark is stronger than he could ever imagine.

mark shakes his head. “i was too compliant, and you helped me find my voice through your recklessness and your impulsiveness. i was wrong that time, when i got mad at you for speaking up for me. it’s what i should have done a long time ago. i was angry at myself for not being able to do it more than anything.”

“you’re so strong, i’m so proud of you.” donghyuck tries his best not to cry in front of him again. he’s embarrassed himself enough times already. he takes mark’s lips in his to distract himself.

they kiss for a long time, and that dread in his stomach slowly melts away and is replaced by butterflies. that sense of desperation is gone, only warmth and happiness and silent promises of forever.

mark only stops when he seems to remember something.

“also, um, i was going to keep this a surprise until graduation day but….i’m moving to seoul too. my grandparents already agreed to take me in. i’ll work odd jobs and study for the university entrance exam, since i couldn’t take it last year.”

donghyuck starts worrying all over again. “you’re taking a gap year?”

“stop making that face! i’ve literally been torn up about this for months, and i need to figure out myself outside of a school setting. there is literally nothing else that i would rather do right now.”

“you’ve been worrying about this for months….all by yourself….”

“donghyuck, stop. this was for me to figure out alone. i had to know that this was what _i_ really wanted, and you had your own future to plan during that time.”

donghyuck squeezes his hands. “okay. alright, i just….it all seems too good to be true that it’s almost like my brain is desperately trying to find a flaw in your plan. but of course you’ve come up with something foolproof, thought it all out carefully. very mark lee of you, i shouldn’t have expected less.”

mark blushes at the unexpected compliment. “well i mean, it’s not like it’s all going to be sunshine and rainbows from now on, i still have to deal with the consequences of my actions,“ he glances at the door that his mother just slammed. “but i think that slowly, everything will fall into place, and i’m going to be okay.”

“i’m going to be here the whole time to make sure of it,” donghyuck promises. “fuck, you’re going to be there. we’re really moving to seoul together. excuse me while i try to stop myself from running around the neighborhood screaming like a banshee.”

he finally relaxes and allows himself to feel happy and proud and excited and filled to the brim with love and admiration for mark. the part about screaming might not have been a joke.

“no, you will not,” mark replies in an authoritative tone. “you’re going to get back on top of me again and teach me exactly how you want me to kiss you.”

donghyuck grins. “you should lock the door first.”

 

the following days pass at a freakishly fast pace and before donghyuck knows it, it’s the morning of their high school graduation.

“take off your gay goggles and tell me the truth, does the cap look too small on my head?” mark won’t stop fumbling around with it in front of the mirror. he spent the night over at donghyuck’s house after his parents informed him that they weren’t attending the ceremony because there was nothing for them to celebrate. it took all the willpower inside donghyuck to stop himself from going next door and giving them a piece of his mind. okay, and maybe a little bit of physical restraint as well.

“it’s very cute of you to assume that me being your boyfriend would stop me from making fun of your giant head.” he thinks that this is the most handsome mark looked since the day he realized he was in love with him three years ago.

mark gives up and throws the cap on the floor. “i’ll just go without it then.”

“kidding, obviously,” donghyuck picks it up and puts it back on mark’s head. “and you look handsome every second of every day of your life. the cap and gown suit you well.”

mark shuts him up with a kiss. “you’re a big liar, but i’ll let it slide this time.”

doyoung suddenly walks in, startling them both. why does his brother always move in silence? “are you guys leaving now?”

donghyuck narrows his eyes in suspicion. “what’s it to you?”

doyoung looks over his shoulders and whispers something inaudible, and taeyong magically appears from behind him.

“i heard mom and dad weren’t coming, so we decided to go with you instead….” he mutters, embarrassed. mark’s older brother had always been like this, silently doting and affectionate but shrinking up the moment he has to vocalize his feelings.

“what he’s trying to say,” doyoung continues impatiently. “is that we’re you’re replacement parents for today. no you can’t call me mom. no it’s not optional. do you have any more questions? good, i thought so. now hurry up or we’re going to be late.”

he leaves as quickly as he came in, and donghyuck realizes that his own brother is just as doting as taeyong, except he’s even worse at showing it.

 

“go and ask jihoon if he could stop popping for long enough to take a group picture of us,” donghyuck whispers to mark as he ribs him.

“i could take the picture-” taeyong volunteers, raising his hand, but donghyuck shushes him.

“all parents have to be in the picture!” donghyuck says, positioning him next to his actual parents.

“i’m still scared of that guy,” mark shudders. “i don’t care if he says we’re friends now, his eyes tell a different story.”

“come on, we’re moving to seoul next week, it doesn’t matter if he wants to crush your insides,” donghyuck replies, and his words only make mark look more terrified.

“did i just hear my name?” jihoon’s voice comes from behind them and mark shrieks, almost falling to the ground.

“yeah, hey jihoon,” donghyuck waves. “can you tell mark that you don’t want to murder him?”

jihoon, unable to speak without a hint of malice in every word, isn’t much help. “i can’t promise you anything.”

“i told you,” mark hisses at him. “we could just get yukhei to take a selfie, his arms are long enough.”

donghyuck looks around, but he can’t locate his giant best friend anywhere in the crowd of black robes. “where the hell is yukhei? and renjun too for that matter?”

jeno rubs his temples in frustration. “listen back to what you just said and you’ll know exactly where they are.”

“no way,” donghyuck gasps. huang renjun finally managed to pull his head out of his ass, and with no help from him whatsoever. he’s a little impressed.

“enough chit chat, i don’t have all day,” jihoon says, gesturing for donghyuck to hand over the camera. “do you want me to take your photos or not?”

he ends up taking twenty pictures of them in different angles and group combinations, frowning and complaining about it the whole time but refusing to give back the camera until he made sure that every shot was perfect.

and donghyuck has never felt more at peace than he does at this very moment, surrounded by his best friends and family and former arch nemesis.

“let’s get a picture of just the two of you,” his mother says suddenly, and everyone except him and mark moves out of the frame.

they’ve never taken a picture together since they became a couple, donghyuck realizes. they stand shoulder to shoulder awkwardly, both painfully aware of everyone staring at them and over analyzing every interaction they have in their heads.

“stop being total prudes, you’re adults now. give us some action,” jaemin demands, ignoring the stares he gets from the other students’ parents.

“jaemin, my mom is literally right next to you!”

“no, he’s right sweetie!” she prods him on.

mark turns to him and grabs him by his waist. they stare at each other seriously for a second before bursting into giggles, and then mark finally kisses him. donghyuck closes his eyes and wraps his arms around his neck to pull him closer, ignoring jeno’s obnoxious hoots and the rapid clicking of the camera.

it’s crazy how sometimes everything in life falls right into place. it took a lot of convincing for donghyuck to accept that mark was going to stay out of his own conviction, and the way he carried himself after that was what assured him that he was making the right decision. he’s smiling and laughing and _living_ a lot more now, like he’s finally taking in fresh air for the first time in years.

“ready to take on this big scary world?” mark asks when they break away, too low for anyone else to hear.

“with you? always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading ♡♡♡ if you've been following me on twitter you know that this fic is really personal to me and it's probably the most self indulgent markhyuck fic i've ever written. i'm going to miss this universe a lot and my only regret is that i didn't spend more time in it. 
> 
> i might post a college epilogue here or on twitter so please look out for that! 
> 
> if you've enjoyed my work please let me know your thoughts! you can find me on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/puppylove) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/demonyukhei)!


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